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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: discotechconnectdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: discombobulated
    ASL Info:    26/m/nz
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 81/63/24
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Cheesy Joke/Serious
    Total Views: 1623
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1290



    Description:
       arse.

    i don't understand myself either.

    go figure.


    [disconnect the non-existent dots and all that, yeah?]


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdiscotechconnectdots
    -------------------------------------------




    [+]

    oh, you

    and the assorted flavour
    of delinquency. a threshold of spin
    and glib replies pertaining

    to causality. the rebound effect.
    mothers crooning lullabies beside a fire:
    maternal, devoted,

    the eternal
    madonna.


    [-]

    i keep mementoes

    on my shelf: a red plastic hairband. two flutes
    from bali i like to stare at. bleached coral,
    once pink, but dirty white. coins from

    different lands, a testament to this global city.
    of consumer data. the longevity of the japanese
    and why it's good to eat fish

    and burp loudly
    after dinner.


    [=]

    do the hula

    in hawaii. gorge on caviar in russia.
    the mafia there are ex-kgb given over
    to the high-roller life. so, swap weapons

    for heroin. pay botnet-herders with promises
    of east european girls. it's all sex and candy.
    blowjobs below the professor's desk.

    i have a hard time just knowing
    what i'll eat.

    _________________________________________




    Submitted on 2008-09-11 05:10:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good grief... You've run into some honest [censored]ers, eh?

    This isn't [censored].
    And I know you're probably laughing at them (I am. I'm done though. I swore that was my last comment, but here I am), still, it's nice to maybe know they're a little off-kilter.
    Maybe?





    They are.






    The + - = thing... It could just be for separation's sake (I am SO OVER over-deconstructing poems. So over it. Why can't a purple canvas be a purple canvas because the artist liked the goddamn color, eh?? No, itdoesnotneccesarilyrepresentyoursoulandormother), but you don't do it... ever, really, that you post, at least. Which makes it feel important.
    Could be that it isn't, but let's pretend that it is.

    So--the 'you' minus the mementos (btw... might be another regional diff, but mementos*? also--lullabies* now that i see it. if it is a silly kiwi difference, then disregard. us pesky americans pfft...), equals experiences--the ability to live up to these clichés, this insanity.

    The last two sections both end with thoughts of food. And I guess, if you wanted to be a purple canvas about it, the first one could also--religion, something (supposedly) more filling than bread and water and cheese.

    So you minus the physical, the healthy, the bread-and-water (and perhaps jesus-type) food equals this uncertainty: opportunities are there. They're open and waiting.

    Will you eat the caviar? The professor, perhaps? Or the saccharine candy time bomb?



    I suppose it doesn't really matter.
    As long as you're alive to taste it.
    Maybe that's where this lies.
    | Posted on 2008-09-13 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]
      you know what? i liked it. i liked the structure and cut-off sentences, the words jumping down the page seperated by space. it reminded me of e. e. cummings. i liked the language and thought behind the words. the skewed commentary on life was interesting and thought-provoking. the burping thing was especially good. i think more countries should include the etiquette of a good burp in order to express one's appreciation

    but yeah, i'd have to agree that it would take a [censored]ed up mind to begin with to come up with this stuff, decide to write it down, then share it with a whole site full of writers.

    kudos to you.
    | Posted on 2008-09-13 00:00:00 | by Jacoby | [ Reply to This ]
      heh heh.
    yeah.
    i'm [censored]ed.
    ah well.
    [censored] happens
    and then you get [censored] on.
    bugger.
    | Posted on 2008-09-12 00:00:00 | by discombobulated | [ Reply to This ]
      This is [censored]ed.

    Sorry about the language, but....what the bloody hell is this? I know I sound like a real jerk, but to me, this is nowhere near as good as most of your other stuff.

    I guess I'm overreacting. Not every poem that a poet will write is good.

    I just wish I could find some consistency in this madness.

    Do you think all they want is a parade?
    I'll give them a parade!
    I'll give them a parade!

    I did find the first section, and the first part of the second section, to be all right. But the second half of the piece just really slides downhill. I like the whole momento thing, it really seems to be you. But the rest of the piece feels as if someone else picked up the pen and slapped something together, hoping to coincide with the rest of it.

    Sorry to be so down on this, but it just doesn't reach me. It starts off wanting to, but then it loosens its grip and plummets a thousand feet into the river below. And I'm not sure what can be done to rescue it. That's up to you, J.

    ~Asiaticfox

    | Posted on 2008-09-12 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      im going to be honest and say that piecing thi sthing together is impossible. reminds me of how my head is going when im trying to order a sub-sandwich at Sub Way.

    its either [censored] or brilliant. and it was an entertaining read.

    -Ash
    | Posted on 2008-09-11 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    165568

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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