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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Who Knew Sweet Dreams Could Be So Bad?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    18/M/Ohio State
    Elite Ratio:    6.06 - 174/189/127
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 159
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 948



    Description:
       


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    dotsWho Knew Sweet Dreams Could Be So Bad?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh what a pretty young devil was she,
    all wrapped up and veiled from the wicked world:
    Beauty defined through grace of air and pleasant preservation.
    Like the conservative conversations about bedroom intimacy
    that spark new interest in their own private closed door liberalism.
    Ravishing in her little black dress, handcuffs hung from her belt,
    I saw the hunger in her eyes, a voiced opinion through mutual understanding.
    The moment, in all its match-flame shelf-life, burned a bright passion red.
    Then came the serenity of a beating heart
    Displayed in still-life, and illuminated by the candlelight of ember love.
    Pressed to my chest, the thump-thump of hers and mine did sync
    with the purr of the fan, and the low panting of lovers so humane.
    Bed sheets hued wedding-dress white, a satirically insane domain
    for the helplessly hopelessly in love.




    Submitted on 2008-09-11 18:33:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      interesting that you have a little devil veiled from the wicked world. im interested as to how that works? perhaps you are switching good with evil? earth and hell? im not sure...

    but anyways.
    i think, considering the point you are trying to get across, this piece is a little too wordy. im not sure if thats your style or whether its something to hide behind because youre only half sure of what you write about or whether its an intentional writing ploy.

    the wordiness of the piece kinda makes it stop and start all throughout which could be kinda cool if you exaggerated it... you know... the way dreams have moments you remember with clarity and the way other details are kinda shady and hazy... you know?


    you have a few random moments of alliteration peppered through this piece. was that on purpose?
    | Posted on 2008-09-13 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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