Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Matter of Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.81 - 23/160/138
    Words: 228
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 504
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1480



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMatter of Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've watched myself struggle in the deep
    Cascading downward, I gave up hope
    I lost what I thought I would sink without
    But somehow I managed to stay afloat

    I've watched the sands of time pass me by
    I've seen this concern cross my mind
    Time and time again I've filled myself with lead
    I was the cause I have come to find

    It's like weening an infant from a bottle
    They'd rather drink nothing at first
    After so long they cave if kept away
    And accept alternatives to quench their thirst

    After some time that bottle seems childish
    It was an attachment, all that they knew
    Learn something new, fade out of habit
    Decide and then react, go get a clue

    I've watched myself fall, get lost in my mind
    I've seen myself wander in place
    But losing one thing is not losing all
    Don't judge the world by the face

    And I've seen treasures and wonders in naught
    Happiness revealed without what was lost
    And thus said placebo was revealed as it was
    Think how much holding on could have cost

    And I've seen the world grow brilliant and dull
    I've seen you break and bloom at a simple whim
    I've heard melodies and voices disturbing and kind
    Thick or thin, you'll only drown if you choose not to swim




    Submitted on 2008-09-12 13:45:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The thing I like about this is the perspective and the way it's written, namely outside the box, as if you've been an objective by-stander the whole time, during your struggles as well as your revelations. Lately, I've noticed that I seldomly read optimistic, light-hearted poems. It's as if the new generation of writters has either lost the will to live or, alternatively, confuses good literature with sad literature.
    What I enjoyed most was the metaphor about the bottle, it was inteligently constructed. Also, it's nice how the use of imperatives makes the reader feel as if you're telling your story simply to set an example and give an advice. And the best thing about this particular piece of advice is how it sticks to you, especially the last verse(which I think is perfection and I'm really picky about poem endings).
    'Thick or thin, you'll only drown if you choose not to swim'. Hypnotic.
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    165604

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    AI written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Every..... written by jackz
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    prison written by ShyOne
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Records I written by Raphael
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Where? written by ParanoidParadox
    Yes written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry