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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The art of miscommunicationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mieko
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 253/209/99
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 605



    Description:
       edit:
    I sort of realized on my own that what I'm trying to describe makes perfect sense to ME because I see it clearly, I know what I'm talking about.
    But the description to others is lost.
    Oh well!
    Give me your best shot. I'll fix this as needed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe art of miscommunicationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This uneven pulse dances inside my chest:
    A skipping stone, only it's on fire.
    It sparkles, and glows brilliantly.
    Flames ablaze, darting across the water
    Before fading into oblivion with a crackle and a hiss.

    Shooting glances, stars and highways.
    Endangering the thoughtfulness of my isolated mind.
    I thank you for your awful silence.
    I won't say a word, not a single sentance.
    I sit here feeling rejected, “passive”.
    Something I realize:
    it's never perfect; if it's perfect it's not worth it.




    Submitted on 2008-09-13 08:53:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i think it makes sense in more minds then you think, at least there are plenty of poetical minds who thrive on such misscomunication. art in an impractical thing.

    while i'm sure the final realization is very personal and honest it was the only part that faltered for me. not that i don't believe that it's completely and fundamentally true, for me i guess i felt it was too easy, too simple all of those leading up to this crescendo and for me it was a little flat. but hey that's just my opinion, i'm not saying it should be changed,,, just looked at ....

    great job though i thoroughly enjoyed it
    | Posted on 2009-03-13 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Whatever the 'art' may be, it's essential to making normal conversation appear normal; it makes the effort worthy of the reward. As to specifics, it could be any number of moments when words are either inappropriate or inadequate to make a point. Just as it might be that awkward time after an argument, it could also be the moment two people find themselves immediately attracted to one another and don't know which move to make. That sort of ambiguity to a reader makes this write very effective.

    At least that's my babble.
    You should miscommunicate more often. :)
    Bill
    | Posted on 2008-09-28 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoy the painful awkwardness, the "awful silence" and passive rejection.
    Just my interpretation--post-argument, pre-apology, where both people are semi-fuming and still a little livid, but don't know what to say to each other, and are both waiting for the other to apologize first.
    I'm probs totally wrong. Either way it was an enjoyable poem.
    Well done. :]

    Audi
    | Posted on 2008-09-25 00:00:00 | by AudiAnne | [ Reply to This ]
      I see this as you not expressing how you feel because the external signs are telling you "it not right". I really liked the imagery in this piece.

    You can feel the fire, but the person you feel that towards is more a shoot of cold water. How can you move to a place were there is no pathway? it must be frustrating.
    | Posted on 2008-09-25 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the imagery in the work, but I'm not following the "miscommunication" part. It seems that the silence and the reason for the silence aren't a miscommunciation of anything, but perhaps I'm missing something.
    I'd hazard a guess to say that the people in the poem are in a relationship that is, for whatever reason, dying. The stony silence (awful instead of aweful btw) and the rush and then fading of feelings (in the 1st stanza) make this sound like a relationship on the verge of oblivion. The final line gives hope; however, and the impression that you (or the person in the poem) will fight for what used to be. The only real suggestion I have for improvement is the ammendment of the fnal two lines to the following or something similar:
    Something I realize:
    it's never perfect; if it's perfect it's not worth it.
    Good job with this. I look forward to reading more of your work.
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]


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