Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A WORLD INSANE (until things have changed)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: L.L.COLLINS
    ASL Info:    25-ORLANDO, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 172/147/36
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1704



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA WORLD INSANE (until things have changed)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Donít teach me the rules,
    Teach me the exceptions.
    Where the lines blur and curve
    Around selfish perceptions.
    Allowing us to send innocent lives
    After innocent life.
    Young and impressionable minds.
    But these murders are not crimes?
    Mamaís only son
    Is safe from the war gun,
    But a second burst of love
    Better know how to run.

    Donít tell me the truth,
    Tell me how come the lies?
    What purpose lures behind your eyes?
    Whatís really crossing your closed mind?
    Before examining my soul for sin,
    Shed your layers of pretend.
    Stick figure thin, squeezes in with the trends,
    What price did you have to pay to ďfit inĒ?
    Tell me what you will say
    When I turn and walk away.
    Speak your corruption,
    Right here in my face.

    Donít love me for life,
    Love me for less.
    Even when I am so far
    From being the best.
    Instead of expecting me
    to always win
    be there for me
    when I try again
    Skip the thick and thin
    Give me the bitter end
    Donít hold me with arms
    that are un-genuine.


    Donít save my life,
    But please save my soul.
    If I come to you dying
    Hold me close, but let me go.
    Expose my bloody scars
    and let my pain drain.
    Bequeath me the evidence
    Of a world insane.
    Let the sadden faces wear
    Heavy hearts of shame
    Tell the angels not to sing
    until things have changed.













    Submitted on 2008-09-14 10:03:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is more fluid then the other work of yours I've read. How come the lies? Just read a bit confusing, i got caught there for a second. i think why the lies reads better. 2s2L
    I also think sadden S4L9 should be saddened other than that nothing much too complain about good rant. It could easily be longer you only go into one or two societal murder not that you have to but just a thought.
    peace
    | Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your work, first off anyway, there isn't really much to nitpick at now is there? I don't believe there's anything at all.I do like the message as bentnotbroken said. Nothing to complain about, sorry and good job at the same time

    48
    | Posted on 2008-10-02 00:00:00 | by every48seconds | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot; there's a solid rhyme scheme and good rhythm, but above all that I admire the message. The eternal quest for truth is evident in this piece and I think the way you pose the "questions" is masterful. I only have a few suggestions: in the 2nd stanza, 3rd line, I suggest "lurks" instead of lures and in the final stanza, 5th line--bloody scares? scars perhaps? In any event, good writing. I look forward to reading more.
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    165693

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Incubus written by monad
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Linger written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry