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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A WORLD INSANE (until things have changed)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: L.L.COLLINS
    ASL Info:    25-ORLANDO, FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 172/147/36
    Words: 269
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 699
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1704



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA WORLD INSANE (until things have changed)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Donít teach me the rules,
    Teach me the exceptions.
    Where the lines blur and curve
    Around selfish perceptions.
    Allowing us to send innocent lives
    After innocent life.
    Young and impressionable minds.
    But these murders are not crimes?
    Mamaís only son
    Is safe from the war gun,
    But a second burst of love
    Better know how to run.

    Donít tell me the truth,
    Tell me how come the lies?
    What purpose lures behind your eyes?
    Whatís really crossing your closed mind?
    Before examining my soul for sin,
    Shed your layers of pretend.
    Stick figure thin, squeezes in with the trends,
    What price did you have to pay to ďfit inĒ?
    Tell me what you will say
    When I turn and walk away.
    Speak your corruption,
    Right here in my face.

    Donít love me for life,
    Love me for less.
    Even when I am so far
    From being the best.
    Instead of expecting me
    to always win
    be there for me
    when I try again
    Skip the thick and thin
    Give me the bitter end
    Donít hold me with arms
    that are un-genuine.


    Donít save my life,
    But please save my soul.
    If I come to you dying
    Hold me close, but let me go.
    Expose my bloody scars
    and let my pain drain.
    Bequeath me the evidence
    Of a world insane.
    Let the sadden faces wear
    Heavy hearts of shame
    Tell the angels not to sing
    until things have changed.













    Submitted on 2008-09-14 10:03:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is more fluid then the other work of yours I've read. How come the lies? Just read a bit confusing, i got caught there for a second. i think why the lies reads better. 2s2L
    I also think sadden S4L9 should be saddened other than that nothing much too complain about good rant. It could easily be longer you only go into one or two societal murder not that you have to but just a thought.
    peace
    | Posted on 2008-11-18 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your work, first off anyway, there isn't really much to nitpick at now is there? I don't believe there's anything at all.I do like the message as bentnotbroken said. Nothing to complain about, sorry and good job at the same time

    48
    | Posted on 2008-10-02 00:00:00 | by every48seconds | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot; there's a solid rhyme scheme and good rhythm, but above all that I admire the message. The eternal quest for truth is evident in this piece and I think the way you pose the "questions" is masterful. I only have a few suggestions: in the 2nd stanza, 3rd line, I suggest "lurks" instead of lures and in the final stanza, 5th line--bloody scares? scars perhaps? In any event, good writing. I look forward to reading more.
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]


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