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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Old Countrydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 578
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 391



    Description:
       ~the first in forever~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Old Countrydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Old Country

    The world
    Is a fluid secret
    And I am a stone
    That cannot melt

    Granite made powder
    Made grain made dust

    We never share
    The same atmosphere
    Skin stitched to bone
    Like a second hand love

    Secret to gift to caress to kiss
    I need to learn to remember this




    Submitted on 2008-09-14 21:27:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "The world
    Is a fluid secret
    And I am a stone
    That cannot melt"

    In this stanza, it seems you are representing life as the old conflict between an unstoppable force and an immovable object. The world holds the secret behind everything, and the stone will not succumb to the desire to find the secret.

    "Granite made powder
    Made grain made dust"

    Powder, grain, dust... it's all just semantics, right? Perhaps in "the old country," these things were common, part of the normal ebb and flow. I have to admit, this stanza throws me off a bit, but in a good way. It makes me curious as to what comes next.

    "We never share
    The same atmosphere
    Skin stitched to bone
    Like a second hand love

    Secret to gift to caress to kiss
    I need to learn to remember this"

    Y'know, this poem is truly a mystery. You don't spell things out, and I like that. I'm going to have to read this over to really see it for what it is, and to be honest, I don't mind doing it.

    And if you could make someone pursue a poetic anomaly, then I commend you for that. -.-

    Overall, I give it an A

    (Sorry if this was a subpar review.)
    | Posted on 2008-09-28 00:00:00 | by TheFoundFoe | [ Reply to This ]
      This definately has a feeling of great age surrounding it, winding down its secret paths into the darkness of oblivion where nothing is secret and you are turned inside out for observation.. I love the feeling of mysticism in this as well.. It feels like the warmth of a blanket as it wraps around me and fills me with curiousity.. Beautifully written.. I love it..
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]
      I need to learn the mysteries of rhythm.
    I can't dance like this.
    | Posted on 2008-09-14 00:00:00 | by sadtrapofgravit | [ Reply to This ]


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