[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Based Off A True Storydots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 544
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 980

       no at the end i am not saying i am undeniable, just that i try to write without prohibtion.... or freely

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBased Off A True Storydots

    Letís start from the beginning...
    He was just a skinny kid,
    Donít mind his heart, though
    He just had it jimmy rigged
    If anything, he mustíve resented it
    Love always on his mind
    He just never mentioned it,
    Never meant, though,
    Just got a slow mouth,
    Atleast his heartís brave enough,
    To let himself go south,
    Or hold out,
    tilí tears start to soak, glisten,
    mind says no, but my heart,
    just wonít listen,
    worst part is,
    it was like a daydream,
    wake up with the same needs,
    take a picture say cheese,
    smiles fake, faÁade,
    while heís jaded,
    eyes covered up,
    like he just got lasik,
    Bandaged up for two weeks,
    Manning up, Do he
    Cry himself to sleep?Ö

    He's the Cryist-
    Defiant- yet reliable,
    despite the bull, the kid
    writes like he's undeniable

    Submitted on 2008-09-15 03:31:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like who you're describing here. It reminds me of a few people whom also write. Verbal throw-up comes out of their mind, and they always say it's bad but I tell them "KEEP WRITING" because for some reason when they do I feel like keeping up with my own hobby, too. Why is that? I don't know.
    As far as being improved, I can't really say. I don't usually tell people to format differantly but I ponder if this would be easier to read broken up rather than in a blob. Really dosen't matter though.
    | Posted on 2008-09-15 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Linger written by saartha
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Fasade written by jackz
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]