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    dots Submission Name: I Bleed Inkdots

    Author: AeThe Lost Poet
    ASL Info:    19/M/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 147/184/122
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 685
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 488

       inspired by the name.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Bleed Inkdots

    i bleed ink, i bleed love,
    in my write I indict it:
    silver steel knife,
    such is real life uninvited.
    provided; a-given,
    we live in times undecided
    and sinning in our souls
    portions whole go unguided
    in light, in truth, in word
    with hurt in the midst.
    our hands lay open,
    unless curled in a fist,
    and this is the melody,
    left to be played,
    leaving ink spots dripping,
    wet on the page

    Submitted on 2008-09-15 23:11:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I believe I read this once already and was unconsciously inspired by it. Not until I came to your page to thank you for your comment did I realize the connection, though. :P I'm having a hard time getting the rhythm right in my mind, but the feeling is conveyed well. I think the sporadicness, to take a word from another, is alot of what makes your rhymes your own. In a time when so many write, it's almost bland to stick to a basic rhyme scheme.
    | Posted on 2009-03-20 00:00:00 | by MyWorld | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. I liked the imagery and how the rhyme was everywhere. Keep up the good work, and I'll keep reading

    | Posted on 2008-11-12 00:00:00 | by MinervaBlu | [ Reply to This ]
      How fitting that I should be the first to comment...

    I think it's rather funny how you take the effort to include punctuation within this poem, but capitalization has been thrown out the window entirely. Not sure it's very cohesive this way or not.

    Now, not to hate on rhyming, it can be pretty effective at times, but in this instance I would suggest you go back and enlist, not so much a syllabic contract but definitely a rythmic contract for this poem. You have three definite rhymes (uninvited, undecided, unguided) with one lean toward a slant with "indict it." From there the rhyme scheme jumps to two and two. A bit sporadic for my tastes. And I always suggest, when rhyming, push it further--aim for slant rhymes, because the precise, forced rhymes (like midst and fist) take away from the reading experience.

    I love the bit about the melody, wet ink dripping...nice imagery paired with the somewhat intangible.

    Overall: a very nice start. Keep it up, hun! ^_^
    | Posted on 2008-09-17 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]

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