Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Heavy Loaddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 548
    Class/Type: Story/Nature
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3048



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Heavy Loaddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The old woman knelt by the kings deathbed. She said a prayer, clutched her rosary, and listened to the old man rattle in his sleep. Her prayer was said swiftly and from heart, the only sound in the room other than the old kings dying purrs, were quick spanish wishpers, silently spoken though her thin wrinkled lips.

    The Kings chest rose and fell, occasionally he moaned through his dreams.

    The country slept with their king just as deeply, just as lost to the cause of immortality. The webs were frail. A heavy rain beat down on them, daring the strands of silver and grey to stop clinging just for a moment. But despite the health of the country and of the lives of wood, the towns, the trees, the king had a strong heart, and he would cling, he would hold, for the very sake of nobility, for the sake of existence.

    The King woke with a startling and wretchind cough and the old woman hurried to his bed with a glass of cool water.

    The old man's cough rattled his body and came from six feet in the earth of his bones. The woman listened and heard in his sickness, the ticking of the clock. There was little time, oh yes, little time. The King coughed in circles and waved the water away. When he finally stopped coughing he reached for the old woman, she lowered herself down to him, intimately close, and waited for any indication of what she should do, as if one wrong gesture, a single miscommunication between them would end the Kings life instantly.

    "I had a very important dream." whispered the King.

    "Yes" The woman waited for him to continue and for a long moment it seemed the King would not speak again, his eyes grew still and his body rigid beneath the thick heavy mounds of quilts. The woman held her breath and the silence in the room, the silence in the Kings eyes, froze her, demanded that she mustn't move, compelled her fears to catch in her throat and suffocate her, binding her own short life to the king, as if he were gone too soon all hope for life would be gone with him.

    The King's eyes finally moved, and they looked at her. ACKNOWLEDGED her. SPOKE to her.

    SPEAK! The woman urged, hoped, clung to. Oh please speak.

    The Kings words, every dear one he spoke held existence. He was the father of the last country, the first country. If he could tell her, if the LORD almighty had ordained him as their savior, salvation lay in his every word. He had the brain, he had the knowledge, he had life. And yet, here he lay dying. And his last words may be, "I had a very important dream."

    The King's lips did not part, the woman was so close to him, and she still almost did not hear it. With his eyes pouring into hers, the King spoke only four words before the effort was too much and his body relaxed into the pillows and he was deep into another full night of sleep.

    "I carried a heavy load."




    Submitted on 2008-09-16 00:30:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A little anticlimatic and personally I found the anticipation kind of humorus in the end. I don't know, maybe I'm just morbid but I'm still chuckling. I guess I find it funny because it's life. You ground yourself in something saying this is what defines me. Then whether its expected or not it falls apart around you. IDK. Maybe I'm just wierd. Anywho, awesome piece. Very descriptive. I was expecting something very serious or maybe dirty : ) ( maybe I missed the intended meaning), but it made me laugh so thanks for helping start my day well.
    | Posted on 2009-01-08 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      Know one knows what kind of a load a person carries -- wether they may be a good person or a bad one. So have sympathy for all, is that what this is about?
    | Posted on 2008-10-05 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    165752

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Incubus written by monad
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry