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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: stone ballerina...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: augustcranes
    ASL Info:    16 - Female - Underwood
    Elite Ratio:    6.3 - 23/8/6
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 201
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 681



    Description:
       

    Written as a reply and message for someone who has lost their way. You must look deep within the lines and your lives to understand.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstone ballerina...dots
    -------------------------------------------



    as if a stone ballerina
    this dancer shall embrace immortality

    curves slope without reservation
    as if God had a purpose

    veined hands imprint upon this artwork
    as if an advocate studying

    all the while, each lullaby or discretion
    uttered past colorless lips

    will never murmur the hearts or ears
    of those beneath the rolling hills

    she shifts and he does too
    like the moon shies

    our waters cease to roam the Earth
    in soft, speaking gurgles

    pray while we sleep in our graves
    draped with the remains of butterfly wings.




    Submitted on 2008-09-16 00:56:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      BRILLIANCE.
    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by Twisted | [ Reply to This ]
      "Poetry is not for understanding."

    A person said that to me once, and I pretty much live by it. When I read a poem, I don't read it looking for a meaning. I approach it the same way I'd approach a painting or a sculpture. I want to see something.

    I really like what you've written for the most part. I like the visuals a lot and I think it's very creative. The only part I have a gripe with is

    "she shifts and he does too"

    That felt awkward to me in the midst of a poem that is otherwise a more refined write. There was something jarringly pedestrian about that phrase.

    but this was good, and for the most part I liked it.

    Keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2008-09-17 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      lol ok this looks like it is a work in the Arlie stages and has lots of gap ill them with the story im at a lost on wuts it's about but work on this one and it will turn out great
    | Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by vencix | [ Reply to This ]


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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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