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    dots Submission Name: Acedia (Fourth Deadly Sin)dots

    Author: Syn
    Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 115/136/83
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 1161
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 921

       the long awaited fourth edition!!!
    final draft, edited, yet still open to suggestions.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAcedia (Fourth Deadly Sin)dots


    so now we take it down a level
    to banter with the noonday devil
    he rolls your mind as you roll a joint
    you'll know not the direction you point

    you run until your breath runs out
    you run to supersede your doubt

    plait the rope and attempt to forget
    the lucifer whom you aid and abet
    for satan finds some mischief still
    for idle hands his deeds fulfill

    you run until your breath runs out
    you run to supersede your doubt

    dubiously smoke your weed
    no intellections shall you heed
    'bane of solitaries', and rightly so
    by serving not, you serve below


    Submitted on 2008-09-16 10:23:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is interesting. You create a sense of hopelessness that is rather cliché, but the poem itself is not. There is also an air of confusion, of warped reality. And in so few words.

    There seems to be a place or two where you tried to force the rhyme, the flow stumbles a little.

    But overall, it's a well flowing piece. Good work and keep writing.

    | Posted on 2008-09-16 00:00:00 | by CourtneyLynne | [ Reply to This ]

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