[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tri Angledots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Misc/Nature
    Total Views: 819
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1182


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTri Angledots

    To deal out double cards and place a set of two in your hands
    or even three
    puts a tight angry fear inside my chest

    But to give away all I have in faith of you
    sets me free

    Here is a table set for two
    or even three
    portions enough for a king in one corner of the pyramid, and enough to save the starved at the edge of the sea

    At times the wind is so giving, and there seems to be an undying current of air circulating through my skin

    I'm pedaling faster down a smoother road
    I can swerve inside this lane and on the gravel down a different path

    If I fall, which I won't, there will be no one to catch me but me
    this is just the way it feels
    to be free
    if I fall

    I spin in circles like a child
    I am the child I use to be
    I've got strings flying from my hands, as I go
    another world or two or three
    pivoting around me

    the world revolves
    and revolution consists of the millions of eyes that see

    Submitted on 2008-09-21 17:00:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this one a lot more than "A Man to Man" -- not to say I didn't like "A Man to Man." They seemed to have a very similar direction and writing process. But yet both are so different. Very cool. How do you write this stuff? And what's this one about?
    | Posted on 2008-10-05 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
    Giving more to someone than one wants. The third line suggests resentment in giving that much away and the fear of what may be done with it.
    A basic metaphor of "the cards in one's hand".

    Yet, there's a freedom in putting yourself completely out there.

    Based upon the title, I'd say this stanza references a love triangle. The portions being plentiful for those at the table and enough to satisfy those on the very edges of the situation. So, enough to satisfy all demands.

    Not so sure here. I think of a giving wind as something that cools one off and lets one breathe. With that in mind, the "air circulating through my skin" reads as something that cools the speaker off, reduces stress and difficulty. Allows one to breathe.

    First line makes me think of having fun or escaping.
    The smoother road though suggests choosing an easier path.
    "I can swerve..." part being a "can" suggests, "could, but won't". The gravel path seems much more difficult and not worth the risk.

    Independence and self-reliance.

    Spinning in circles being a sense of confusion, or fun. Like a child: naieve, simple, true. A child would take more pleasure in simply spinning around.
    The strings while spinning lend more toward the idea of fun and free and happy.
    World's pivoting around you. World's revolving around you. Suggests a sort of conceit the speaker has, as I assume the world's are other people. In the love triangle sense, I get it, but the speaker may presume too much. Sense the poem is representative of the speaker and says nothing of these other world's, I suppose it is expected.

    I don't find this stanza useful. I would remove it and let the poem end with S7.
    Perhaps I just can't figure out a way for this stanza to make sense though.
    | Posted on 2008-10-02 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a poem that does dissect the complexities in life, and reduce the stress of living day to day into enjoying the simplest pleasures. And this was a pleasure to read.
    | Posted on 2008-09-22 00:00:00 | by augustcranes | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it quite a bit. Especially the part about the spinning. Paints a pretty picture in my head.
    | Posted on 2008-09-21 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Giving written by jjd
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To written by SavedDragon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]