Description: This was entered into a contest. Not sure what it placed yet. Written in response to this poem: http://allpoetry. com/poem/4504297 [Pocket Angel by Slayer]
First off, the picture. I thought the smooth little stones in the picture fit quite nicely--though a bit oddly--with the title. Yes, I'm commenting about the picture before reading the poem. I find it helps me look at it without prejudice developed from the piece. After reading the piece, I'll probably look at it in a different light. Anyways, the words on the stones are words that you would generally expect an angel to give. Angels are the patrons of our hearts, and those smooth little stones seem to be like little messages--perhaps angel tears? Hah. I've seen stones like them--in passing, I think. Still, there's just something wondrous about the picture. Good choice.
Now to the poem. Okay, I tried commenting this stanza by stanza, but it proved impossible. I really have to drink this work of art in as a whole. Some poems make sense seperated, some require the whole story to be correctly interpreted. Yours is of the latter genre.
For some reason, it makes me think of the gods. I say the gods, not because of any particular belief of my own, but merely because it seems to speak of more than one. The pregnancy it speaks of makes me think of the birth of the universe, and the glittery stitches the weaves of Fate, holding it together. The earth hanging lower...Well, the she could be a characterization of the earth, and it could be saying that the earth dances in the god's pocket. Or something.
The gods are watching over the earth...or on a wider scope...the universe...(globe). The creased, wrinkled foreheads make me think of wisdom--and age. As old as time. xD Why would they be wistful? Perhaps they wish for some sort of humanity? Perhaps they're wondering what happened to their creation? Where it went wrong? Where it went right?
Never crashing. The single line makes it sort of echo in the head, definitively. Like... it's something that cannot be argued with. No matter what happens, it shall not fail. It may bob, and ebb...but it will always stay. It will always float on the dreams of dreamers.
Haha. That's just how I took it.
More relative to you, probably, is this: I would like to see more ... punctuation? I'm not sure that's the word I'm looking for, though. I want to see...a bit more .... eh... ooomph. Hah. I don't know. Sprinkle it with some capitilazation....or something. I'm not sure. It just appears kind of bland as it is. But, grammar. *waves hand dismissively* words are what are truly precious. Wherein, you did an excellent job. Yay you! xD
I'm not sure what else to say...bu this is beautiful...wonderful..magnificent. I'd like to know your inspiration behind this if you don't mind explaining.
Dominique
Submission Name: pocket angel
