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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Triangledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Conqueror
    ASL Info:    21/female/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.48 - 178/204/42
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 847
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 842



    Description:
       This one is for me. and for Jake.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Triangledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you not hear
    The desperate longing
    that falls between
    my parted lips
    The ardent cries
    that say "I want you"
    the pulsing heat
    that falls and trips

    Can you not see
    in tortured eyes the
    swollen remnants
    of a beaten heart
    the unmoved tongue
    that speaks: "I love you"
    the tasteless words
    that break apart

    Can you detect
    in craven kiss
    the pining touch
    the timid doubt
    that silent weight
    that calls "I need you"
    but fears to just
    draw breath and shout

    Do you listen
    or do I not speak
    the sentences
    you long to hear
    is voicing tender
    sentiments
    whispering lies upon your ear?




    Submitted on 2008-09-26 01:55:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Quite cryptic in places, which I feel adds to the whole thing. The structure is perfect, and this makes the rhyme scheme very easy to follow and connect with.

    All in all..........quite superb.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2008-10-24 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      hahah i noitice teh elvis too dont know if you think thats good or bad but i love it this had amazing flow it kept my attention wich can be at times hard to do good good work i will be reading more
    | Posted on 2008-09-26 00:00:00 | by layDsayD | [ Reply to This ]
      Love is spoken in many tones, and silent adoration is one of them! This piece warmly embraces the longing and adoration of love and the desire and intensity that goes with it! Its words and intensity remind me of a phrase in an old song by Elvis Prestley that goes "I Want You, I Need You, I Love You"!

    Nice work, lovely lady!
    | Posted on 2008-09-26 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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    166104

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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