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Through the eyes of the waking night it's cold and I think I hear you. Wispering into the ear of a cold dark room. Silently stabbing your ego with a shard. Yet still I see the rain pouring down on your soul. I still couldn't find myself to confide in you.
As night darkens I notice you began to smile. Then remembering you say that you enjoyed the darkness. How typical i guess. For you are the one with the golden eyes. The dark is your specialty and I am your victim.
| I agree that this would have been read easier had it been in verse form. |
I had a problem understanding the stanza b/c I wasn't sure whether the person who was doing the actions was u or him:
"Wispering into the ear of a cold dark room. Silently stabbing your ego with a shard"
I think the second stanza is stronger, and offers a better image of him and yuor relationship.
Overall, it was nice to read. Good job!
|| Posted on 2008-11-09 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ] || I feel like this would be easier read line by line.|
I felt incecure as I read it, " I still couldn't find myself to confide in you" reminds me of how I feel when I just cant bring myself to tell HER what has been eating at me all day.
|| Posted on 2008-09-29 00:00:00 | by bigohhh1 | [ Reply to This ] |