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Fallen


Author: danni_amazing
ASL Info:    17/F/Pa
Elite Ratio:    1.49 - 1 /3 /8
Words: 93
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 839
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 494



Description:




Fallen



Through the eyes of the waking night it's cold and I think I hear you. Wispering into the ear of a cold dark room. Silently stabbing your ego with a shard. Yet still I see the rain pouring down on your soul. I still couldn't find myself to confide in you.

As night darkens I notice you began to smile. Then remembering you say that you enjoyed the darkness. How typical i guess. For you are the one with the golden eyes. The dark is your specialty and I am your victim.




Submitted on 2008-09-27 17:30:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I agree that this would have been read easier had it been in verse form.

I had a problem understanding the stanza b/c I wasn't sure whether the person who was doing the actions was u or him:
"Wispering into the ear of a cold dark room. Silently stabbing your ego with a shard"

I think the second stanza is stronger, and offers a better image of him and yuor relationship.

Overall, it was nice to read. Good job!

| Posted on 2008-11-09 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]
  I feel like this would be easier read line by line.
I felt incecure as I read it, " I still couldn't find myself to confide in you" reminds me of how I feel when I just cant bring myself to tell HER what has been eating at me all day.
| Posted on 2008-09-29 00:00:00 | by bigohhh1 | [ Reply to This ]


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