Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I thought to be somewhere elsedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jimi James
    ASL Info:    24/m/somehwere
    Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 90/78/41
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Political
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 584



    Description:
       no, not buddenbrooks but similar


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI thought to be somewhere elsedots
    -------------------------------------------


    stealing from the stolen,
    attempt to go bowlin,
    asked graveyard ma,
    "whos drunkard pa?",
    said "anyway, day",
    wondered "stole clay?",
    bowlin with prima donna,
    sang of daylight when shadow shipped the balloonmans smile,
    aint no selling freedom for a while,
    stole the claymen,
    conned the payman,
    heard some "hey man"s,
    closed eyes for grey dance,
    maintenance,
    laid hands on a ladyman;

    i was stolen from while being stolen.




    Submitted on 2008-09-29 18:41:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is interesting.... Not sure how I feel about it but the piece itself draws me in. I like the title, "I thought to be somewhere else"... mainly because its a perfect description of how I feel " I thought to be somewhere else".

    Its my first time back, in eliteskills that is, and in writing you could say and its funny that the first thing that I come across is this. Its funny, and a little unclear, you get right into what you want to talk about. Actually it reminds me of Across the universe, yeah, because like the movie its a bit weird, again unconnected but in that mess of feelings and color it makes sense.


    I like how you say "ain't no selling freedom for a while" that really stuck with me.


    | Posted on 2008-09-29 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    166247

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry