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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Imprisionmentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: xieno
    Elite Ratio:    2.41 - 7/16/24
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 498
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1532



    Description:
       Pretty self explanatory


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsImprisionmentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Don't ask me how I am tonight

    Cause I won't tell you what you wanna hear

    Instead I'll keep you in a cell locked tight

    Filled with all the second guesses and the confusion I felt

    Don't worry about slipping through the bars

    They're thick enough with grief so nothing can get by

    I've swallowed the key so you won't get your hopes up too high

    Although it'd be nice to see you excited about something your fate will never bring

    Ring a fucking bell?

    While you're captive you can think of the reasons why

    Remembering without me, you'd never be with her

    And you talk about me causing the betrayal? Ha.

    And when the room gets dark through the cold barred windows

    The room chilling as the light exits with no sign of empathy

    Be not afraid

    I'll shine the dimmest light of hope in your room

    I hope you feel the false sense of security light in a black room brings

    Damn that light, its so convincing

    You'll think it actually means something

    Just like how I felt the moment you took her hand

    And when she pays your bail, think of who saved your life

    I'll never let you out

    You'll never be free

    Just like how you and I will never be




    Submitted on 2008-10-01 00:05:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow this is great! I love the way you portrayed a sense of false hope, how you showed the person something they wanted but couldn't have. This was a very dark poem, but, in my opinion, those a the best ones sometimes. The structure of the poem is great, and you described the situation (the betrayal, I assume) flawlessly. Whatever happened, I'm really sorry. If it inspired something this emotional and deep, then it must have been pretty serious. But this is a really good poem, and I can't really think of any negatives to say other than....well, you don't always have to rhyme, but you pulled it off really well, so I have no complaints.
    | Posted on 2008-10-03 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]


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