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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secrets Destroy Friendsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ollie_wicked
    ASL Info:    27?FEarth
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 320/200/90
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 610
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 723



    Description:
       1/11/06


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecrets Destroy Friendsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know a secret
    They told me yesterday.
    They told me to keep it.
    So I'll hide my dismay.

    They'll tell you tomorrow
    Deceitful and Clandestine
    Bringing you so much sorrow.
    Would if it were mine.

    Today's the day.
    It'll tear apart your insides.
    Leave them in disarray
    Bringing bloody tides.

    Your little girl
    gave it away.
    That same little girl
    You were holding just today.

    And to our surprise
    You already knew
    And to our demise
    You already knew.

    You waited to see how long
    it takes
    For all your friends betrayal.




    Submitted on 2008-10-02 16:54:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Nice! However; if she could wait that long, I don't think she would be concerned with betrayal or accepting the guilty back into her life.
    | Posted on 2013-03-22 00:00:00 | by strike three | [ Reply to This ]
      I DON'T LIKE TO GIVE BAD CRITIQUE, BUT SINCE I READ THIS TWICE I FEEL I MUST AT LEAST SAY THIS:

    NO MA'AM, NO SIR, NO WAY! THERE WAS A GREAT FOUNDATION IN THE BEGINNING, BUT IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO TELL A FULL STORY, YOU SEEMED TO SWAY IN A DIRECTION I JUST COULD NOT FIND FLATTERING. I FOUND MUCH CONTRADICTION IN THE CONCEPT ALONE AND THE SUPPORTING DETAIL WERE NO HELP TO THAT FACT.

    thanx for the read
    llcollins
    | Posted on 2008-10-02 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]


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