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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I'd forgive you if you asked it.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 656
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1311



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI'd forgive you if you asked it.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The last decade aside, it's up to you to decide
    to continue the violence of your silence.
    If you put the past aside just like before
    i promise you i'd be at your door
    like so many times before
    smiling just to see your face
    but you had to go quiet
    that's an understatement
    you cut the bridge from under my feet
    but im still holding on to that rope
    with hope that you can rise above this
    and move on, but i fear it's been too long
    and the frayed handhold is about to break
    he sees you from above but he can't make
    you see you're wrong, and have been
    all along

    so sorry that you went away
    not just for me, but for the ones that you no longer see
    and maybe it's easier for you that way
    but i gotta say that
    you must not own a dictionary
    because you can't define the word "family"

    but for 10 years it's been your definition
    there's still time to change your position
    or make a revision

    i just want you to know
    that i'd forgive you if you asked it
    but if you keep this up
    you bet your life
    i'm spitting on your casket




    Submitted on 2008-10-02 22:33:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow the end is a statement you can't mistake wha the meaning isn't it? spitting on their casket.... wow.... hmmm... i can understand the hate and the loathing, cuz i have a really bad situation in my family that has cause me to feel the some type aof way toward a certain peson who is supposed to be one of the closest people to me int the most sacred trust... but... nope... i've had to cut ties... y' know?


    flow ... aside .... it's a pretty good piece... i hate the fact that i actually can't hear you perform this because my flow is no doubt differtent in yours... see me mine is a base evolved from from MCing... but, it's a good challenge to try different style i try that sometimes.....

    have a nice day....

    AETLP/TC
    | Posted on 2009-01-05 00:00:00 | by AeThe Lost Poet | [ Reply to This ]
      The last decade aside, it's up to you to decide
    to continue the violence of your silence.

    I really really liked these first two lines. Silence, most times and at least for me, is the worst kind of reaction to a fight. Better keep screaming words until something is solved or completely broken instead of just walking away and saying nothing. What kind of closure is that supposed to bring.

    If you put the past aside just like before
    i promise you i'd be at your door
    like so many times before

    I think that you should re write this bit only because you've repeated that phrase "like before"...it might be because you want to keep the rhyme you've got going on, and if that's the case, just find another rhyming word for door and before instead of repeating before.


    but you had to go quiet
    that's an understatement
    you cut the bridge from under my feet
    but im still holding on to that rope
    with hope that you can rise above this
    and move on, but i fear it's been too long
    and the frayed handhold is about to break

    I really liked this description here. The only thing I can say of my past arguments is that when it's resolved (or rather left) with silence, after the years go by it is kind of hard to remember the reasons. The only trouble with that is the feelings still stay. You're still pissed, you just don't exactly remember why.


    i just want you to know
    that i'd forgive you if you asked it
    but if you keep this up
    you bet your life
    i'm spitting on your casket

    This last stanza is brilliant. I think the act (as well as the word) of forgiving is beautiful. Here you're saying, I'll forgive you anything, anything at all, as long as you break this silence, that's the only thing I need, but I'll hate you forever if you don't. The end is serious, but at the same time, a little chuckle (perhaps a bitter one) escaped from my throat.

    Excellent write, in my opinion.
    | Posted on 2008-12-16 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    166372

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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