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    dots Submission Name: shipwreckdots

    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 569
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1105


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I traded coasts, Atlantic for Pacific ocean
    but now I've run this ship aground
    just south of Boston.

    You're there in San Francisco, keeping my heart company
    I'm under repair as you know
    to get back where i want to be

    I see the outcome depends
    on me, but im all alone
    struggling to stay afloat
    in this place i once called Home

    You know I'd leave tonight
    and bail this wreck 'til it goes under
    if i thought i could make it through the stormy seas and thunder

    repairs are behind schedule
    but i know that you'll
    be there when i'm back where i belong
    but for now i have to right this wrong

    I'm neither here nor there, but bits of me are everywhere, in every face I see, smiling back at me.

    I hope that I'll set sail soon
    and whistle a new tune
    because i know i'm coming home
    i don't know when but trust me friend
    i'm coming home

    Submitted on 2008-10-02 23:53:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very smooth flowing man, this thing doesn't hang on any nails or forms, and with just the right amount of rhyming to keep the pace up.

    I dont really have suggestions for improvement, it is what it is, and I like it.

    your visuals are strong, oceans and stormy seas. They are a tad overused as metaphors and similes, but maybe that's because of how accurate of a picture they tend to weave.

    the use of "Atlantic" and "Pacific" instead of general terms for some reason really struck a chord.

    surprisingly solid work, ill read some more of yours soon, this was a great opening piece, and im optimistic about the rest.
    | Posted on 2008-12-21 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

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