Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: shipwreckdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: The Wolverine
    ASL Info:    23/M/MA
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 74/137/91
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1105



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshipwreckdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I traded coasts, Atlantic for Pacific ocean
    but now I've run this ship aground
    just south of Boston.

    You're there in San Francisco, keeping my heart company
    I'm under repair as you know
    to get back where i want to be

    I see the outcome depends
    on me, but im all alone
    struggling to stay afloat
    in this place i once called Home

    You know I'd leave tonight
    and bail this wreck 'til it goes under
    if i thought i could make it through the stormy seas and thunder

    repairs are behind schedule
    but i know that you'll
    be there when i'm back where i belong
    but for now i have to right this wrong

    I'm neither here nor there, but bits of me are everywhere, in every face I see, smiling back at me.

    I hope that I'll set sail soon
    and whistle a new tune
    because i know i'm coming home
    i don't know when but trust me friend
    i'm coming home





    Submitted on 2008-10-02 23:53:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very smooth flowing man, this thing doesn't hang on any nails or forms, and with just the right amount of rhyming to keep the pace up.

    I dont really have suggestions for improvement, it is what it is, and I like it.

    your visuals are strong, oceans and stormy seas. They are a tad overused as metaphors and similes, but maybe that's because of how accurate of a picture they tend to weave.

    the use of "Atlantic" and "Pacific" instead of general terms for some reason really struck a chord.

    surprisingly solid work, ill read some more of yours soon, this was a great opening piece, and im optimistic about the rest.
    | Posted on 2008-12-21 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    166379

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    This written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Genesis written by saartha
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Legends written by poetotoe
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry