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    dots Submission Name: Needledots

    Author: LRRolins
    ASL Info:    17/A/A world you dont own
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 142/140/84
    Words: 66
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 405

       See if you can figure it out. It was written in the style of those revolutionary poets in 1930s+ who wanted to changed everything and wrote in objective collary (er whatever that word is). Awesome people...and loon birds. Think Gertrude Stein.

    Btw,it's about babies. >,<


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Stirring, living, breathing.
    Clenched and unclenched fists and my closed eyes show the morale of mankind.
    Because I'm the closest to the One who creates.
    Note to self: stirring I live, but by stirring, I die.
    Tonight,I sleep in the carress of the womb,but I can sleep in the sternum and the bowels of a needle tomorrow.
    Only if you choose.
    Only as you wish.

    Submitted on 2008-10-03 19:33:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very Very Deep and what I consider to be an extremely important write for a lot more people then just us at ES to see
    My Friend I strongly suggest you send this to a literary magazine or perhaps some abortion rights or anti abortion rights groups
    To be Honest your words touched me in a way I didnt think they would
    Fantastic Job!!!
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Abortion... or stem cell research? I like this, this poem is definitely making a statement, and the way you draw the reader in with your description is interesting...

    "Clenched and unclenched fists and my closed eyes show the morale of mankind.
    Because I'm the closest to the One who creates."

    This is a wonderful part of the poem, and I can imagine the baby with her eyes closed. It sort of seemed very Rosetta Stone, because you of the closed eye being the human morale, and whenever the child opens his or her eyes, she or he is carved by whatever he or she sees. This is really a creative piece of work here, and it's about something you're passionate about. And you can see that.
    That's what poetry is all about.

    There should be a space between the comma in the 4th line, and the word I, and another space between the comma and the word but. Just a little nitpicking.
    Be well,
    | Posted on 2008-10-03 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

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