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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Comadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faideddarkness
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Idaho
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 101/55/50
    Words: 262
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 600
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1531



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Swallowed away by my dreams with dark skies
    I pray that someone please open my eyes
    Oh, all the darkness might as well have been dead
    Oh, all the silence screaming inside my head

    I lay asleep, awake in a world torn with sadness
    Every ones looking for a saver to bring them gladness
    I can hear them all holding each other crying
    Everything falls apart and my world goes dark again
    Why do all their eyes fall upon me watching, waiting?
    Do I qualify for the position they're seeking?
    Slaving into dreaming of death, I need the saving
    So one by one their hero leaves them alone dying

    Swallowed away by my dreams with dark skies
    I pray that someone please open my eyes
    Oh, all the darkness might as well have been dead
    Oh, all the silence screaming inside my head

    My eyes, clenching closed, while my body lays shaking
    Sometimes I feel like I have been chained to the wall
    My breath is silent listening to my bones braking
    I'm dying and screaming can anyone hear my call
    For everyday I live it's a new day I'm dying
    My tongue is nailed to every word that I'm saying
    My breath is exhausted but I just can't go away
    So please take away the dark that resides inside me

    Swallowed away by my dreams with dark skies
    I pray that someone please open my eyes
    Please open my eyes




    Submitted on 2008-10-04 02:28:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, very well written and structured. You change poetic rhythm near the end then revert back I think my English Literature lecturer will kill me when I say I like it but I do lol It isn't that bad anyway; it is in the second last paragraph where you change from a 'A, B, A, B' poetic rhythm to a 'A, A, B, B' I think though I am not an expert. It was a very good job and I hope to read more again.

    ^_^

    ~ <3 ~ Nix ~ <3 ~
    | Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by NixLacus | [ Reply to This ]
      First before commenting on your "Coma" I thank you for your read and comment on "Teachings of a Poet." I tried to relay my feelings and efforts of writing by studying writings of various poets.I took their own struggles and exegesis and concluded there is more to poetry than a display of words and mystic . thanks !.
    After reading "Coma" or rather while reading it I was transported back to the struggle of my beloved wife. Although your mean may not be related, I still sense that my wife needed a "saver". There she was sprawled out on the bed half between coma and reality struggling to make sense out of her "dark skies". She had been given a halucinatory drug which she had previously instructed her physician not to administer. She was seeing great big spiders crawling up the walls and on the ceilings. She thought the nurses were taking pictures of her half naked body and laughing at her. I came to her bedside. She related what she was experiencing. I remembered her experiences from a time before. I made my presence known to the staff. I told them if they did not take the super drug away from her intraveinous tubes I would immediatedly start legal proceedings. The drug was withdrawn. My wife became her old self, full of life and joy. She extended her arms to me and gave me a kiss I shall never forget as she tearfully in joy said,"Thank you, darling."
    | Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Struth Girl you are quite the wordsmith aren't you...Crazy how well you are able to deliver such heavy subject matter you are obviously quite sensitive to surrounding stimuli its great to see that energy being utilise in such a positive and powerful way great work and keep em coming.

    Timmy S. Edgar 2008
    | Posted on 2008-10-04 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]


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