Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Nightmaredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faideddarkness
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Idaho
    Elite Ratio:    6.48 - 99/55/48
    Words: 425
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2255



    Description:
       As if being back in school was a bad dreem in it's self.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Nightmaredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stood there, staring into my locker. There on the bottom was the letter that I wrote her, and how it got there I donít know. Sighing I shut the door, behind it was her with icy tears melting down her face. She looked at me with questioning eyes and a slap that meant forget it. Staring after her as she turned and walked down the hall and around the corner, I dropped what ever I had in my hands and ran after her. As I turned the corner I stopped and looked around. There was nothing but vacant halls and empty rooms.
    For no reason a taste of salt from a drop of water, after flowing down my face, seeped into my mouth only to realize that I was crying. She was no where in sight. Fear of not seeing her again creped into my head causing my legs to weaken, dropping me to my knees. I berried my head into my hands crying like Iíve never have before. I threw my head up toward the ceiling howling like a wolf toward the moon. Then suddenly fell to the ground.
    (Blink) I was suddenly able to see myself lying on the ground with eyes closed. She came running to me on the ground shaking me trying to open those deep set eyes that had water streams flowing down the drenched cheeks. Feeling hopelessly lost she sat there staring as she started to cry.
    (Blink) I watched and followed myself as they rolled me out to the emergency vehicle. There they pulled out a heat monitor and connected it to my chest to hear my heart beat. It beeped a few times, then slower and slower until suddenly it became flat. I watched as they took out the defibrillator and pressed two pads against my body, sending jolts of electricity threw my body. But my body stilled laid there dead. I turned my head and saw her standing by the door hugging herself, crying with endless tears.
    (Blink) I stood there holding myself looking toward the bed where she laid. The heart monitor still giving the flat noise, so they unplugged it with her dead where I was suppose to be. To see her there like that made my body ach, my muscles tensing up. And with overwhelming pain my head lifted to the sky and with a piercing shrill everyone began to shake all feeling it the depths of there bones where my pain had resided for Iíll never see her again.




    Submitted on 2008-10-04 22:10:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Crikey that was full on; that had me from start to finish. i like the intensity that you write with, if i were to be picky i would say be mindful of spelling and fine tune your structure yet above all that you are a very talented and descriptive writer i am going to read more of your material thank you.

    Timmy S. Edgar © 2008
    | Posted on 2008-10-05 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    166506

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Life is moments written by Ramneet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry