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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Locketsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1070
    Average Vote:    4.6667
    Bytes: 1324



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLocketsdots
    -------------------------------------------




    Wild words.

    They seem a troubled memory
    of old socks and shoes thrown away
    last winter. Along with coffee granules
    heaped upon our struggling city garden.
    Amongst the tired lemons squeezed
    of their zing.

    I've followed the contours
    of grass and gravel, came to know
    each like a neighbour: slightly aloof
    yet friendly, a reserved smile and nod
    in helpless orbit.

    We are stars, you said to me.

    Nights ago,
    when every song sang of coming light,
    of mercurial storms bringing puddles
    to stomp on. Splash, and the ensuing solace
    of laughter. Growth, a diadem for your brow
    and a kiss on your nose.
    We are bones, I say to you.
    Perfumed bones
    in a locket.

    It's October now

    and I've swept
    the kitchen clean. Each sauce-stain
    and oily residue the fruit of so many
    living so closely. All of us, in our rooms,
    with our own philosophies. A piano plays
    next door, upstairs a communion
    of hurried noise.

    In November, I'll be twenty-seven.
    In December, this year will turn
    into another poem.




    Submitted on 2008-10-05 07:56:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You know, I just can't find words to describe this poem, or how it makes me feel... not without tearing my heart out, Aztec-style (for no other clean-cut style would do), to show you what this poem does to me.

    It's probably one of the top 10 poems I've ever read in my entire life. And I read a LOT of poetry... and I don't keep lists of Top 10 anythings, but this is definitely Top 10. Maybe even Top 5, but you would not believe me probably or think it's because I am building you up or something... sorry, no. I'm not. It's the truth.

    | Posted on 2009-10-04 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      awesome work!!
    | Posted on 2009-04-22 00:00:00 | by vannamay | [ Reply to This ]
      Wild words.

    It's funny, I only read those two words and then was distracted by my mother calling my name. So while I went to see what she wanted, I kept thinking of those two words....and by the time I got back, they had transformed into a warning..."Wild words grow here, they cannot be controlled so expect nothing."

    It was interesting what those two little words made me think. However, on to the real comment now.

    Wild words.

    They seem a troubled memory
    of old socks and shoes thrown away
    last winter. Along with coffee granules
    heaped upon our struggling city garden.
    Amongst the tired lemons squeezed
    of their zing.

    I've read a couple of your pieces already, but this is the first I've commented. I've noticed that you're particularly talented in the everyday, normal imagery. You don't feel the need to go over the top, like most poets on here. Yours is simple, and it's refreshing.

    I saw a picture of coffee grids and egg shells in a compost pile a long time ago, and I thought it was beautiful...this first stanza reminded me a lot of that picture. The lemon line made me chuckle, partly because I pictured a lemon sweating and panting after it had been squeezed, and partly because I haven't ever come across such a good line. Caught me by surprise.

    I've followed the contours
    of grass and gravel, came to know
    each like a neighbour: slightly aloof
    yet friendly, a reserved smile and nod
    in helpless orbit.

    That was quite original as well. Whenever one sees the line "followed the contours..." you automatically assume it's going to be about a womans body. Or at least I do, so I was pleasantly surprised to find it was about grass and gravel. "...came to know each like a neighbor..." as soon as I read that, and before continuing reading, I thought, well, I don't know what kind of neighbors Meoww has, but I don't have an intimate relationship with mine. At most I might wave at them if they happen to be outside when I am, or they'll thank me for bringing them back their garbage can if the wind blew it away, but that's about it. And then when I read the following line, I nodded and said, yes, see, that's exactly how I feel about my neighbors.

    In November, I'll be twenty-seven.
    In December, this year will turn
    into another poem.

    Now, the reason the end particularly impressed me was because it was so....straightforward I guess. Up until the final two sentences, everything had been so....descriptive. I like how simple the ending was.

    It seemed like the whole piece was tinted in sadness. But those last two lines kinda hurt me. This year will turn into another poem. Another way to remember everything that was. Just another one to put into my notebook...



    Overall, this piece made me think of my own writing. How maybe when I started it was kinda of childish, mostly fun, nothing serious. But how over the years, I guess I've kinda let my age control my writing. It's grown a bit more serious. A little less carefree.
    | Posted on 2009-04-01 00:00:00 | by was_i_ever_real | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed the visual clarity, the nostalgic quality, without longing. You reflect beautifully on the moment/s without that longing that often goes with them. I enjoyed the narative quality esp towards the begining. I'll also be twenty seven in a few months and a feel as if the social expectations are bearing down on me as i childishly ignore them.
    | Posted on 2009-02-14 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      so turnest thou thine fertile tome
    another leaf, another poem
    steady on until light of day
    only the purest thought will stay
    | Posted on 2009-02-11 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      ..... save for this electronic parchment on which I write, inadequately.... your words have touched me, deeply........................

    and still two more I think to read.........
    | Posted on 2008-10-15 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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