[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Beached Confessionsdots

    Author: Keiran
    ASL Info:    20/M/NZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 40/47/33
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 720
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1321


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeached Confessionsdots

    11:55pm finds me on the beach
    Sharing it with three druggies and my thoughts
    “Should have chosen a different beach”
    Says my thoughts
    Smug they may be, but thoughts have an annoying habit of being right on

    12:18am finds me and my thoughts on a less congested strip of sand
    Being eroded
    Just like my convictions
    This might leave my hopes without a leg to stand on

    The wind is up something mighty
    And Kate Winslet has nothing on me
    As I lean into unseen hands
    Never fearing that someone will see me fall
    I trust this gale, and besides
    No one’s here anyway

    Except my thoughts of course
    They’re talking over the sound of the waves now
    So much for peace
    Or any sense of being in the right place doing the right thing

    They’re always telling me I could be something great
    That I could do something that changes a world
    And at 12:36am
    With the waves and wind drowning me out
    I can’t help but yell in agreement
    It feels so true and right
    I know I can do this

    3:19pm finds me red-eyed and run ragged
    Hanging on till quitting time
    When I can ask the wind and the waves
    Is this life?

    Submitted on 2008-10-05 09:03:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I found this to be very interesting
    I Lived for 15 years in California 6 blocks from the beach and Honestly I Loved going to that Beach in the dead of the night with the peaceful serenity as my best friend
    The time line used in this write was also very clever as it kept the readers mind entrapped
    Great Work!!1
    Looking forward to reading more from you soon
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2008-10-06 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way you mark time throughout this piece.
    seems like a long night of arguing with yourself and thinking through a whole lot and going through a range of emotions.

    the progression seems natural.

    maybe you should have chosen a different beach but maybe, in that moment in time, you had more in common with those 'druggies' than you thought... half way down and almost out with no ability to see the same quality in others..

    eroded conviction.
    interesting thought.
    i had a conversation with a boy today who is in his first year at a conservative christian college and is struggling something chronic with 'moral dilemmas' which interested me because statistic say soemthing like 80% of christian young people lose their faith in their first year of college... i never thought for a second that would include those going to christian colleges
    but yes. it is hard when you can see the way convictions have erroded [hind sight usually makes everything look easier than it was at the moment you had to make your call/decision

    without a leg to stand on seems a little too close to cliché for me.

    thoughts always telling you you could be something great. theyre the kind of thoughts you need to be having but you need to make sure that you arent condemning yourself for not having made anything of yourself yet. if that makes any sense.

    i havent dont the uni thing yet. i was full of intention when i left school but it hasnt really happened. and now i have friends who have graduated and a couple have really good jobs that pay good money while others have crap jobs paying nothing coz theyre not actually interested in what they studied- they just did their degree coz they had to study something and then theres me... i dont have much of anything qualification wise but im making a huge difference and im a supervisor of 40 people and i know theres a whole lot more i can and will do... theres always more.

    i like the beach
    i used to finish work at 7am on sunday mornings and go to the beach and just chill until church because i knew if i went home i would want to sleep. and the sun would rise just for me. and the waves would spray their salty breath in my face and i would fall into their rythmic breathe in breathe out hum
    its a good place to clear your head regardless of who is around.

    i like this piece
    | Posted on 2008-10-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]