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    dots Submission Name: "Satisfyed" asked the Suicidedots

    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 875
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 5561


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Satisfyed" asked the Suicidedots

    “Satisfyed” asked the Suicide

    “7am, before sunrise, on my way to work as usual. Cycling along the dirt track which ran along the high bank of the motorway”.

    Just about half way a foot bridge spans
    The eight speeding lanes.

    I could read the sign long before I reached it
    It said


    Well if your gonna put a sign up, get the spelling right; I thought

    And as I cycled closer
    the distance toned sirens throwing a caution in the air
    and as I cycled closer
    I noticed something else was there

    Bicycle brakes grinding to dust and halt
    There dangling from a rope
    A body
    Dead still with all the intent of falling still
    Hung lynching and so very, very, unmoving

    I walked the last yards my eyes already beginning to sting
    And looking down
    I could see this was no adult, no man or woman
    But a thin and delicate sylph of a girl

    Her features blackening, tongue swelling
    Eyes half staring
    Once a pretty and exquisite almost miniature little thing
    Caught by a breeze her dark hair the only thing moving

    I could not move

    How old was she 14 ? 15 ?
    My eyes filling and blurring
    Hot choking sob catching in my breathing
    Burning back in my throat

    Sirens as loud as banshee’s now approaching

    I just could not move
    As I stared down at this poor young slender girl
    I was no more than twice the ropes length
    Away from her

    And there the black letters spray paint to a sheet


    And I started to sob
    As the police and ambulance arrived
    Had she been there all fucking night
    Or was it only half an hour
    Since she threw her tiny frame from the bridge

    My eyes jittered down caught a police mans frown
    As he looked up at me
    His face said “vulture”
    And I really wished I wasn’t there
    But I felt numb couldn’t move

    I had never seen anything so forlorn and heartbreaking
    As this mere sylph of a girl
    From the footbridge by her neck hanging

    It was one of the ambulance men who scaled the bank
    And cut her down
    While four others waited below and caught her in a blanket
    And as she landed
    My legs found their yearning to crumble
    And I fell back on the grass verge
    My heart almost screaming


    The word tore into me


    Would not let me be
    It scoured and shattered and slapped itself into me


    And while I wept uncontrollably
    I wondered why
    This poor and sad wraith of a girl
    Had done her life to suicide
    What desperate loneliness
    What aching tearing sadness
    Had driven her
    What madness !

    And anger squeezed past my tears
    Slid a snakes tide through me
    That such an innocent
    Such a sweet and fragile thing
    Could be so utterly bereft and so alone
    Even to contemplate her own self ending

    I thought of her parents then
    And the life time of sadness
    Now begun

    Was she bullied
    Did those bigger and stronger drive her
    Scorned in her weakness to make them feel better
    Was she laughed at and picked on
    Outcast and whispered on and sullied
    Was she too quiet, too shy, where her parents too poor
    Had they called her skinny, anorexic
    A fucking mousy little weirdo

    Had she been like me at 15
    Spending hours alone in her room
    Dreaming and writing
    Scribbling words
    Trying so hard to describe all the wonder and beauty
    Imagination gleaming eyes shinning
    Trying so hard to find out why

    Why she loved everyone and everything
    And why everything had some poignant and mystical meaning
    And why
    Nobody could see her
    And nobody really knew her
    And why everyone seemed to hate or dislike her
    And why her friends just seemed to use her
    This poor sad sylph of a girl

    “Satisfyed” so young, she didn’t even know how to spell the word right

    And for her and with her my day was broken
    And finally wet faced I pulled myself to my feet
    Turned myself round and slowly walked home
    Not going to work today
    Fuck it
    Fuck it all
    Fuck the world
    Fuck them all !

    I went home
    Sat down
    And I wrote this poem
    For her

    I looked in the local paper the next day
    I looked for a week
    No mention
    No name
    So I have no name to dedicate this to
    But I do
    This is for you
    Sad and delicate sylph of a girl

    And every day that I am reminded of you
    It still scrapes at my heart
    And unhinges my will
    And I am left with this wish
    This sorrowful and unrequited wish
    That I could have been there
    How I wish I‘d been there
    For you

    Submitted on 2008-10-07 17:45:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful. It felt very Stephen King. Now I saw a few spots that could be used for improvement. Maybe break down the lines for a more intense effect and to make the poem look longer but more read-able. Like go through a rough copy, put in spots where you can line break. A simple line break can add intensity, when a spot that is supposed to be more engaging, line break. It makes the reader want to continue. But other than that, wonderful imagery and tone. Loved it.

    | Posted on 2008-10-09 00:00:00 | by Elleisbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      A wonderfully heartbreaking tale. Did this happen to you in real life or was it all your imagination keyed up on caffeine and a late night? It was wonderful. Absolutely wonderfully wonderful.

    Although, it shouldn't necessarily be classified under poetry for it does not have many elements of a poem. I honestly believe you could make this into a story, even a short story, would do. I see that you have talent in poems and the art of creating. Perhaps, you could bring that art into a novel? I would most certainly read it.

    This story was so captivating because it is so true of today's society, So many are committing suicide in an attempt to get away from their problems and can you blame them? Often, more than naught, it is the young children of the world who choose to go.

    You depicted this area of this is a splendid story. The tone of the story was one of sadness and anger. How could they not put anything about her in the paper the person seems to ask? I myself would ask the same thing. It is like the world is trying to hide the hurt away from everything. It is not right.

    But, still I wonder...is it true?
    | Posted on 2008-10-07 00:00:00 | by BeautifulSoul | [ Reply to This ]

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