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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Creative love.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BestxDeceptions
    ASL Info:    22, Female, Kentucky.
    Elite Ratio:    2.23 - 25/66/49
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 655
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1264



    Description:
       This piece was written with a distinctive format. Thus, the title. I'm very curious to see if any of you can find the patten. It's in the lines, stanza's and poem as a whole.

    If you can find it, or you think you have, please, tell me, even if it's a guess, and how long it took you to catch it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCreative love.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've rewritten these words
    at least forty times,
    and each time it
    is never good enough.

    There's nothing that I
    could say that could
    make you feel how
    I know I do.

    Just your voice makes
    me weak. With one
    simple word you so
    easily win me over.

    Your gaze meets mine
    my head goes blank,
    my thoughts all jumble,
    and you captivate me.

    When my head rest
    on your shoulder, you
    pull me close. This
    is when I'm safe.

    When your hand is
    on my cheek and
    your lips press softly
    against mine, I melt.

    You hold me for
    no reason other than
    you want to. I
    can't help but smile.

    It takes all of
    my strength to keep
    my arms from wrapping
    around you every moment.

    So, I've tried to
    write this at least
    forty times. It still
    isn't right and I

    don't think it will
    ever be. I'll rewrite
    it, at least four
    more and maybe then,

    you
    will
    truly
    see.




    Submitted on 2008-10-07 20:29:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      40 times...like 40 days of lent, 40 days of fasting...

    i keep writing it but will not let you read it...i want you to see how i feel on your own, and see how you feel about me, on your own.

    this poem may never be okay in my eyes...because in your eyes i am not enough...or at least i feel that way....you look at me with love...but a part of me doesn't believe it...

    i am intrigued much more by content than by pattern..

    i do like this...but careful in stanza 5...'when my head rests"

    as a poet writing a poem..i see a speaker who wants the subject to be on the same page as she.


    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    166575

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    January 10 07
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