[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Nostra Damedots

    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 274
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1812


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNostra Damedots

    Ah, Sweet Lady with grace embued,
    I heard you saw a great vision
    that all mankind would be renewed,
    all thought as impossile dream.

    Scoffers gossiped, "You the liar
    wandering in your desert bloomed
    with dust storms of imagined desire,
    which none but you would have presumed."

    Sweet Lady, hold your head up high,
    you the predestined Lady Eve;
    All the world is drunk on the rye
    made by the one of Great Decieve.

    Wander, my Lady,amongst the thorns
    that cacti use to catch their prey;
    it is you with grace's adorns
    to keep you safe from words' dismay.

    Keep your vision of The Good News
    safe within your heart of great love;
    it is the world deceived by a ruse
    that nothing good drops from above.

    Go you into the marketplace,
    buy nothing that would make you sway
    from your pure and naked born grace;
    you have within The Only Way.

    Your dream will prove in years to come
    that you have born a Perfect Bloom,
    The Seed of Truth,that prophets drumed
    their songs of souls given perfume.

    Behold, The Immaculate One,
    Mother of The Water's Divide,
    The One and Only Saving Son
    who with His people would aide.

    O, Gracious One by Mighty Hand ,
    your Son has crowned you Heaven's Queen
    and gives you a mission, grand,
    to bring all pleas for Him to preen (anoint).

    Ah, Co-redemptress, hear our pleas,
    direct them to God's Only Son;
    He takes our souls and with love frees
    us to receive redemption won.

    Submitted on 2008-10-09 04:42:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You are throwing out some concepts that each need a poem of its own.

    Now let me see ... This piece is a devotional display, okay. It frames an image of Our Lady, a symbol occurring in all religions including the very first we have a clue to, about 20,000 BC. I understand the poem well because I love her myself, and find something of her in the woman I love best - and of her child in my children. It's a nice poem about these things, it shows the beauty and power of that religious doctrine; but what I noticed was the complicated notions to which you just referred in passing, almost throwing them away.

    Perhaps you are trying to cram too much wisdom into a single piece. That doesn't usually work, because readers don't study a poem, don't dig in it for the next level of meaning and the next, like you do when you compose the poem. Out of ten readers, only one has the monomanaical love of poetry that drives them to digest the poem fully. And then, if there is a bit that won't digest - that has not sufficient clues to it appearing in the poem - I reckon you have wasted some effort (unless the poem is just for yourself, which is also fine, but I'm talking about art for the public, I guess).

    Example: What is the meaning of The Waters' Divide? It could be a whole poem all by itself ... I got so curious, but couldn't work it out! That is not the only such bit in this poem.

    Commenting on another of your poems, I said that it might be better to find new figures for old doctrines, as a device for spreading a religious message during changing times; or even for celebrating your own feelings about the message and taking the readers with you in that. Now in this poem you are hinting at some unfamiliar tropes, probably products of your own imagination - but without making enough out of them! That is the technical criticism that I am sure somebody ought to offer you, even if I was a bit longwinded about it . (Well - when giving comments, I have found that it is very easy to get misunderstood, so I try to do enough words to avoid that!)
    | Posted on 2008-11-05 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      ok now that i know i was completely off base, I understand this much better, and appreciate it that much more. Good write :)
    | Posted on 2008-10-10 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't understand this the first time through, but after reading a second time through I think I have a small understanding. Does this have anything to do with "Causticals"? Do me it speaks against the conditions of the planet and the people who reside here. It seems like a call for patience, and hope, that things can change. Is this right or am I totally off the page?


    p.s. you should look at my newest, "This Price I Pay", since your comments inspired it. :)
    | Posted on 2008-10-09 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Date night written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bond written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]