Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nostra Damedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: realpoet
    Elite Ratio:    6.51 - 904/475/311
    Words: 274
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 579
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1812



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNostra Damedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ah, Sweet Lady with grace embued,
    I heard you saw a great vision
    that all mankind would be renewed,
    all thought as impossile dream.

    Scoffers gossiped, "You the liar
    wandering in your desert bloomed
    with dust storms of imagined desire,
    which none but you would have presumed."

    Sweet Lady, hold your head up high,
    you the predestined Lady Eve;
    All the world is drunk on the rye
    made by the one of Great Decieve.

    Wander, my Lady,amongst the thorns
    that cacti use to catch their prey;
    it is you with grace's adorns
    to keep you safe from words' dismay.

    Keep your vision of The Good News
    safe within your heart of great love;
    it is the world deceived by a ruse
    that nothing good drops from above.

    Go you into the marketplace,
    buy nothing that would make you sway
    from your pure and naked born grace;
    you have within The Only Way.

    Your dream will prove in years to come
    that you have born a Perfect Bloom,
    The Seed of Truth,that prophets drumed
    their songs of souls given perfume.

    Behold, The Immaculate One,
    Mother of The Water's Divide,
    The One and Only Saving Son
    who with His people would aide.

    O, Gracious One by Mighty Hand ,
    your Son has crowned you Heaven's Queen
    and gives you a mission, grand,
    to bring all pleas for Him to preen (anoint).

    Ah, Co-redemptress, hear our pleas,
    direct them to God's Only Son;
    He takes our souls and with love frees
    us to receive redemption won.









    Submitted on 2008-10-09 04:42:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You are throwing out some concepts that each need a poem of its own.

    Now let me see ... This piece is a devotional display, okay. It frames an image of Our Lady, a symbol occurring in all religions including the very first we have a clue to, about 20,000 BC. I understand the poem well because I love her myself, and find something of her in the woman I love best - and of her child in my children. It's a nice poem about these things, it shows the beauty and power of that religious doctrine; but what I noticed was the complicated notions to which you just referred in passing, almost throwing them away.

    Perhaps you are trying to cram too much wisdom into a single piece. That doesn't usually work, because readers don't study a poem, don't dig in it for the next level of meaning and the next, like you do when you compose the poem. Out of ten readers, only one has the monomanaical love of poetry that drives them to digest the poem fully. And then, if there is a bit that won't digest - that has not sufficient clues to it appearing in the poem - I reckon you have wasted some effort (unless the poem is just for yourself, which is also fine, but I'm talking about art for the public, I guess).

    Example: What is the meaning of The Waters' Divide? It could be a whole poem all by itself ... I got so curious, but couldn't work it out! That is not the only such bit in this poem.

    Commenting on another of your poems, I said that it might be better to find new figures for old doctrines, as a device for spreading a religious message during changing times; or even for celebrating your own feelings about the message and taking the readers with you in that. Now in this poem you are hinting at some unfamiliar tropes, probably products of your own imagination - but without making enough out of them! That is the technical criticism that I am sure somebody ought to offer you, even if I was a bit longwinded about it . (Well - when giving comments, I have found that it is very easy to get misunderstood, so I try to do enough words to avoid that!)
    | Posted on 2008-11-05 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      ok now that i know i was completely off base, I understand this much better, and appreciate it that much more. Good write :)
    | Posted on 2008-10-10 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't understand this the first time through, but after reading a second time through I think I have a small understanding. Does this have anything to do with "Causticals"? Do me it speaks against the conditions of the planet and the people who reside here. It seems like a call for patience, and hope, that things can change. Is this right or am I totally off the page?

    Corbin

    p.s. you should look at my newest, "This Price I Pay", since your comments inspired it. :)
    | Posted on 2008-10-09 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    166648

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Records I written by Raphael
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry