Well puppy, this wasn't half bad. I think it could have been formatted a little different. Some parts don't seem to fit in with other parts. Some lines seem longer and it just doesn't seem as if it would fit in with a melody. Lyric-wise, I think it was good. You actually wrote what you felt, without so much drama to what you were saying. Sometimes you try to add in words or discriptions that really don't fit in and looks kind of alien with the rest of the poem or song. But I think it was good. Miss u guys. AND
well, as a song, it's slightly difficult to follow, got to suggest what people outta hum in there head while reading it you know. But it is good, as lyrics i do like it, which is actually rare there past few. should lengthen it!!!!