Description: This is a draft but I needed to save it... it somewhat popped into my head a day or so after pondering the ways we use alliteration.... I kind of like the fact that every word starts with a "W". Thoughts are always welcome and appreciated.
Where We Were Wayward -------------------------------------------
We warbled whimsically,
while walking,
wistfully we wandered
with whiskey-wet whispers
whereupon we wondered:
Were we where we wonted?
Were we where we wanted?
Alliteration can sometimes have a childlike feel, but this is mature and complex. I'm digging it. I have say though, I would suggest revising some of your punctuation (psst: whiskey-wet*). Personally, the first comma seems unnecessary, unless you want it for the pause it implies. Also, to me, it feels as though lines 3+ could be another sentence. If you're looking to keep away from periods, you could maybe switch the second comma to a semicolon (and speak of... something tells me that semicolon yonder should probably be a colon? Maybe??).
This is somehow exciting to read (/geek). I love wordplay like you have in the last two lines. One of my favorite musicians is one of my favorites because he does that ("he goes down/egos down" ... "paralyze/pair of lies/pair of eyes" etc).
And anything with wont/wonted gets brownie points
(makes me think of wanton too, which is another brownie point)
Submission Name: Where We Were Wayward
