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    dots Submission Name: bright blues versus semen-soluble blanketsdots

    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1494
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1736


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbright blues versus semen-soluble blanketsdots

    you're off bowling tonight.

    i know this
    because i rang,
    entirely tits up
    from too many beers
    and a few after-work joints.

    tomorrow, i'll go see
    some elitist four chord playing
    indie band. i'll peer at university delinquents
    enthralled at the idea of music being their only saviour
    against the crush of this. all of this.

    it's become one endless transaction to me.
    it's become sucking up to the boss, enquiring
    what i may do next to climb the dollar ladder.
    i'm this and that and fully a go-get'em tiger.
    hear me growl. hear me acknowledge
    a superior order.

    meow is all i am right now. static
    is what this city thrives on. static
    and faded goodnights. static
    and unwashed semen-covered blankets.

    a selfish fuck. a free love romp. another angle
    to this big bang theory prescribed by scientists.

    i often will these days to turn into meteorite showers.
    flash floods. earthquakes to level these mountains
    into boulders. for arctic terns to visit my corner.
    to tell me what they know of thermals and bright blues
    and the red of sunsets beyond drying tundra.
    hunt for all of this with me. paint each ceiling
    with exclamations picked out from the oxford dictionary.
    become another byron and swim an impossible channel.
    survive. but surrender. glide. but drown
    in the inferno.

    you're off bowling tonight. and here,
    i am warm and sleepy and finding the eternal.

    Submitted on 2008-10-10 23:45:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    you peformed that?


    i can imagine the having soe potential performed. imagine the tone almost rugged, but forced......unsure of its own edge. idk. something with the tone of the words kinda started out ......... in that ruggedness..... then shifted.

    the static actually sounds beautiful.

    it only works with what follows. it's kinda one of tose tonal shifts i imagine. ut meh, what do i know about poetry. *seriously i couldn't answer that question*

    survive. but surrender. glide. but drown
    in the inferno.

    finding that hope at the end. after the spinning and chaos. after the embelished fears brought on by too many beers and two-joints.

    TWO? all alone? that's where i can't tell ow high i am.

    another angle
    to this big bang theory prescribed by scientists.
    = brilliant.
    i happen to agree.....all those prescriptions are KINDA [censored] at least to me.

    still. cool.

    thanks for showin me keeper.

    i'm sure your ego thanks me for the additional fav.

    I vote bright blues.
    | Posted on 2009-05-13 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this one a lot.

    "you're off bowling tonight.

    i know this
    because i rang,
    entirely tits up
    from too many beers
    and a few after-work joints. "

    These lines sort of imply to the reader that the door's always open and there's a beer in the fridge.

    So grabbed a seat and a beer and found myself well entertained.

    I liked how the poem radiates out from that casual beginning. You sort of gather pace but keep it light enough so that it never develops into a rant that would stall because of its own momentum.

    Definitely nothing cliché here, and I liked that it was both sophisticated and simple so that I was entertained without being lost in logic.

    | Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      ....hope this isn't the ode to a wankah! lol

    at least it sounds like you're on the verge of discovering a bigger bang...
    | Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello.... a beautiful and an almost tragic piece, a great use of words, kept simple, forthright and real... almost tactile in its tone......... truly an excellent piece of work. You have real talent ! col13x
    | Posted on 2008-10-15 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]
      I wanted to comment, but apparently your comment type request is nothing. So I won't give you any critique, criticism, or praise.

    "Keep Writing"

    | Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by Renè Magrete | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent Absolutely Excellent
    You have detailed the nature of a working class woman and put her life down perfectly in 278 short words
    I truly felt sorry for you reading this and to be honest never fully realised just how hard it is for some people to wake up to the same routine time and time again
    The ending was actually surprising as it actually showed you alone and actually enjoying what seemed like for the first time a moment of rest
    Suberb job!!!
    God Bless
    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      At least I'm not
    balling tonight
    rocketing to earth
    while the distant planet
    Krapton imploded
    and savagely stained
    both bowel and bowl

    eternally whisked away
    in storm induced
    non-linear thoughts
    of love-sickness, meandering
    to cool tunes of dead friends
    long ago liberated by cheap
    thrills that had become
    cheap ills - I give thee
    moratorium from all
    life's pseudo-logic

    salute the insoluable
    amigo, rest in your
    best bright blue
    | Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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