Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

bright blues versus semen-soluble blankets


Author: meoww
Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262 /258 /143
Words: 278
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1615
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1736



Description:




bright blues versus semen-soluble blankets





you're off bowling tonight.

i know this
because i rang,
entirely tits up
from too many beers
and a few after-work joints.

tomorrow, i'll go see
some elitist four chord playing
indie band. i'll peer at university delinquents
enthralled at the idea of music being their only saviour
against the crush of this. all of this.

it's become one endless transaction to me.
it's become sucking up to the boss, enquiring
what i may do next to climb the dollar ladder.
i'm this and that and fully a go-get'em tiger.
hear me growl. hear me acknowledge
a superior order.

meow is all i am right now. static
is what this city thrives on. static
and faded goodnights. static
and unwashed semen-covered blankets.

a selfish fuck. a free love romp. another angle
to this big bang theory prescribed by scientists.

i often will these days to turn into meteorite showers.
flash floods. earthquakes to level these mountains
into boulders. for arctic terns to visit my corner.
to tell me what they know of thermals and bright blues
and the red of sunsets beyond drying tundra.
hunt for all of this with me. paint each ceiling
with exclamations picked out from the oxford dictionary.
become another byron and swim an impossible channel.
survive. but surrender. glide. but drown
in the inferno.

you're off bowling tonight. and here,
i am warm and sleepy and finding the eternal.




Submitted on 2008-10-10 23:45:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  WOW.

you peformed that?

WOW.

i can imagine the having soe potential performed. imagine the tone almost rugged, but forced......unsure of its own edge. idk. something with the tone of the words kinda started out ......... in that ruggedness..... then shifted.

the static actually sounds beautiful.


it only works with what follows. it's kinda one of tose tonal shifts i imagine. ut meh, what do i know about poetry. *seriously i couldn't answer that question*

survive. but surrender. glide. but drown
in the inferno.

finding that hope at the end. after the spinning and chaos. after the embelished fears brought on by too many beers and two-joints.

TWO? all alone? that's where i can't tell ow high i am.


another angle
to this big bang theory prescribed by scientists.
= brilliant.
i happen to agree.....all those prescriptions are KINDA [censored] at least to me.

still. cool.

thanks for showin me keeper.

i'm sure your ego thanks me for the additional fav.

I vote bright blues.
| Posted on 2009-05-13 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this one a lot.

"you're off bowling tonight.

i know this
because i rang,
entirely tits up
from too many beers
and a few after-work joints. "

These lines sort of imply to the reader that the door's always open and there's a beer in the fridge.

So grabbed a seat and a beer and found myself well entertained.

I liked how the poem radiates out from that casual beginning. You sort of gather pace but keep it light enough so that it never develops into a rant that would stall because of its own momentum.

Definitely nothing cliché here, and I liked that it was both sophisticated and simple so that I was entertained without being lost in logic.

DB
| Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  ....hope this isn't the ode to a wankah! lol

at least it sounds like you're on the verge of discovering a bigger bang...
| Posted on 2009-02-15 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
  Hello.... a beautiful and an almost tragic piece, a great use of words, kept simple, forthright and real... almost tactile in its tone......... truly an excellent piece of work. You have real talent ! col13x
| Posted on 2008-10-15 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]
  I wanted to comment, but apparently your comment type request is nothing. So I won't give you any critique, criticism, or praise.


"Keep Writing"


-René
| Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by Renè Magrete | [ Reply to This ]
  Excellent Absolutely Excellent
You have detailed the nature of a working class woman and put her life down perfectly in 278 short words
I truly felt sorry for you reading this and to be honest never fully realised just how hard it is for some people to wake up to the same routine time and time again
The ending was actually surprising as it actually showed you alone and actually enjoying what seemed like for the first time a moment of rest
Suberb job!!!
God Bless
Ron
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  At least I'm not
balling tonight
rocketing to earth
while the distant planet
Krapton imploded
and savagely stained
both bowel and bowl

eternally whisked away
in storm induced
non-linear thoughts
of love-sickness, meandering
to cool tunes of dead friends
long ago liberated by cheap
thrills that had become
cheap ills - I give thee
moratorium from all
life's pseudo-logic

salute the insoluable
amigo, rest in your
best bright blue
| Posted on 2008-10-11 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



166720