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    dots Submission Name: Let Me Into Your Head For A Seconddots

    Author: ErgoIgo
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 585/676/277
    Words: 279
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1724


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet Me Into Your Head For A Seconddots

    I did not arrive here by accident,
    not a casual tourist taking in sights,
    in the long ago was a precedent
    I digested in very small bites.

    I didnít blow in on a sea mist
    nor sprout from some magical seed.
    Canít argue the fact that I exist
    and yes I cry and I bleed.

    My eyes may be clouded in mystery
    and my smile just a little a-tilt.
    I carry with me an afghan of history,
    memories that refuse to wilt.

    Words, the building blocks I use,
    form and then fall on the page.
    I crack dusty volumes to peruse
    emotions electric and insight, tasty and sage.

    I bow to my calling without prejudice,
    it lightens the load in my pack.
    I bless the day that I realized this
    and never thought of looking back.

    Fame and fortune are not within reach,
    theyíre reserved for those wiser than I.
    I live to share but not necessarily teach,
    I donít hold my wisdom factor that high.

    Should you stumble onto my concoctions
    and you stop for a second and think,
    if they reacquaint you with clarity and passions
    how could one consider them a wasting of ink?

    Itís another early morn, Iím up and creating,
    lately sleep comes and goes as it is wont.
    The twinkle in my eye has no plan of dissipating,
    no matter the chosen style or the pitch and font.

    I have the comfort of like minded friends
    whoíve seen more than one sunrise over their pens.
    The muse is an alarm, wake up, make amends,
    break your story into pieces, for it never really ends.

    Submitted on 2008-10-12 09:05:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      okay, you got me. it felt good reading this even though i needed to stop and digest as you say. thanks for reminding me of peace of self. i don't have a problem with your rhythm or rhyme. it all works.
    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      First thing is that you have a good vocabulary, which helps a lot.

    There were a few breaches in rhythm and some forced thymes:

    "emotions electric and insight, tasty and sage."--> didn't seem to flow well in the stanza

    "lately sleep comes and goes as it is wont."
    "no matter the chosen style or the pitch and font."
    --> the rhyme was pretty forced there

    However, I liked the piece overall. My favorite parts were the 6th and last stanza, because they eluded to a greater sense, not just to yourself. They gave a bigger picture of the greater scheme of things, and that worked well because you then related that to where you fit into it all.

    "one thing that confused me were these lines:
    in the long ago was a precedent
    I digested in very small bites."

    not sure if I'm just missing it, but I'm not quite sure what they mean or how they fit into the piece.

    overall, good job!
    | Posted on 2008-10-13 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

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