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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "hard-on rocks and..."dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: themoviesong
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 17/24/23
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 767



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"hard-on rocks and..."dots
    -------------------------------------------


    "hard-on rocks and playground scars"

    this is three years of concrete language sprawled against
    some abstract bridge of h-h-h-hard-on rock and black ice curls
    laid against your head
    laid against another playground scar on my left knee.

    three hundred days ago I asked you if you were real,
    and then I cut your concrete ribs open and asked if before we met
    there was something planted there (in the abstract) planted in Ė
    whether or not my wiped-out skin had anything to do with you, planted in Ė
    whether or not underneath our loverís bridge
    my concrete, concave could lay you down.
    straddling the concrete, Iíll lay these playground knees against yours.




    Submitted on 2008-10-13 16:40:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      so... unspecified

    I have read many of your writes (have not commented as my comments are mosty dribble)... but I have to say I love your voice. It is different, interesting, and not spelled out leaving the reader to come up with their own conclusions. As well, emotion is felt but not in an emo way... there is an undercurrent of, I guess that is what it is... but felt just the same without being hit over the head.

    What I like here is the repetition and the internal rhyme. As well, the thought of playground knees... kinda that rough and tumble of play and hard knocks and being broken in at a young age to how life really is... playgrounds weren't always a pleasant thing. hmmmm

    anyhoo...

    interesting piece...

    sorry, no suggestions.





    | Posted on 2008-10-13 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


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