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    dots Submission Name: Blue rosedots

    Author: Little Gal
    ASL Info:    20 female, Bahrain
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 469/431/94
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1034
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 529

       Wrote while talkin to my friend..........was weird at friend, cause the key words of the conversation were..Cat, dog, rose, blue, hate, milky lime, blood...
    Bye *black rose*

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlue rosedots

    He left his blue rose
    Lying idly in her hand
    As she rejected his love

    The flower's slightly light shade
    Increased her curiousity
    She wanted to know
    What was behind his rose?
    She stared at the rose
    And then his eyes

    In his deep brown eyes,
    She saw nothing but mystery
    In his mystic sadness, he knew
    She had faced him earlier
    With cold blooded hate
    The ice cold hate
    The frozen blue petals

    Submitted on 2004-07-08 07:53:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      blue for cold blue for death...

    a relationship ended...a love grown cold...
    i saw one red rose, meaning "i love you"

    in his hand, but as she rejects him..the rose turns to blue...freezes

    just like she freezes him...

    interesting write.

    obviously before i saw this, you corrected the errors...

    read pretty smoothly..

    the poem reads a little offhanded...and actually that works with this theme..

    | Posted on 2011-04-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      when u write a poem while talking to a freind u will inevitably do things like this
    there is more that has been said so i wont comment much on mistakes...
    it was funny and it seemed to lead some where...
    one thing i cudnt grasp was ... was it the boy or the girl, who has hate?
    reply soon
    | Posted on 2004-07-09 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
      There are a few typos. I think you meant She stared at the rose, not She started at the rose. Also there is one that says She had faces him earlier instead of She had faced him earlier. I have an idea for the ending though,
    She had faced him earlier
    with cold blooded hate
    and he had left her
    with an ice blue rose.

    What do you think? I like it because it makes the reader think about why it's an ice blue rose instead of telling them the answer in your last line. But it doesn't make them think too hard. Anyway, nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      its a little confusing...the spelling mistakes make it even more confusing I can't make what the words should be. This is good though, I like the imagery...good topic...and a hell of a write for a 13 year old...good job!

    | Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]

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