[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Blue rosedots

    Author: Little Gal
    ASL Info:    20 female, Bahrain
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 469/431/94
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1062
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 529

       Wrote while talkin to my friend..........was weird at friend, cause the key words of the conversation were..Cat, dog, rose, blue, hate, milky lime, blood...
    Bye *black rose*

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlue rosedots

    He left his blue rose
    Lying idly in her hand
    As she rejected his love

    The flower's slightly light shade
    Increased her curiousity
    She wanted to know
    What was behind his rose?
    She stared at the rose
    And then his eyes

    In his deep brown eyes,
    She saw nothing but mystery
    In his mystic sadness, he knew
    She had faced him earlier
    With cold blooded hate
    The ice cold hate
    The frozen blue petals

    Submitted on 2004-07-08 07:53:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      blue for cold blue for death...

    a relationship ended...a love grown cold...
    i saw one red rose, meaning "i love you"

    in his hand, but as she rejects him..the rose turns to blue...freezes

    just like she freezes him...

    interesting write.

    obviously before i saw this, you corrected the errors...

    read pretty smoothly..

    the poem reads a little offhanded...and actually that works with this theme..

    | Posted on 2011-04-09 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      when u write a poem while talking to a freind u will inevitably do things like this
    there is more that has been said so i wont comment much on mistakes...
    it was funny and it seemed to lead some where...
    one thing i cudnt grasp was ... was it the boy or the girl, who has hate?
    reply soon
    | Posted on 2004-07-09 00:00:00 | by rawpot | [ Reply to This ]
      There are a few typos. I think you meant She stared at the rose, not She started at the rose. Also there is one that says She had faces him earlier instead of She had faced him earlier. I have an idea for the ending though,
    She had faced him earlier
    with cold blooded hate
    and he had left her
    with an ice blue rose.

    What do you think? I like it because it makes the reader think about why it's an ice blue rose instead of telling them the answer in your last line. But it doesn't make them think too hard. Anyway, nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      its a little confusing...the spelling mistakes make it even more confusing I can't make what the words should be. This is good though, I like the imagery...good topic...and a hell of a write for a 13 year old...good job!

    | Posted on 2004-07-08 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Linger written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Bond written by saartha
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]