[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Fed Ondots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 295
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 587
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1785

       I wouldn't know what to call this. Eh, I know it's a little negative, which I see as completely unproductive, but an observation can't hurt. In the end I see it as more nuetral. As I didn't specify the path, that of the books or the children.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFed Ondots

    There are terrible stories of human suffering to tell. Their importance gets scattered to the wind.

    Roadkill.Their wings grow moldy as they die, scattered across the road in the damp dark distant night.

    Wolves hungrily cry for their starved and rib battered bellies. There was something to be said for the melodies that played behind their ears. Karioke love songs, old, worn, broken in and sang through lavender plated vocal chords.

    One walked alone through this environment of despair and wretchedness. One foot came after the other however there was no will to do so. It came from a mechanical and habitual reserve. The well was deep but the water shallow. It took long fingers to climb out. And to those who were not born with them the climb was vividly painful, and for many, impossible. One watched from the mouth of the well, saw thousands climbing, stern faces and desperate faces, pushing and pulling, some voluntarily jumped, this was too much, some simply let go.

    The clocks ticked in their ears, some whispered, "Biology wind tunnels, forget, forgive, peace, perfect nature, allow, alloss, aloe out the window, please, prying, flying, progressively dying and done and dinner, cold, forget me nots."

    A couple of books fell from the shelves, they made a loud scream on their way down, suffering screams from the tectonics of hell. Plates shifted, the books confronted the soft carpet but the cushion was not enough to save them, their heads splattered all over the floor as children ran through the columns of shelves. Sticky book brain goo stuck to the childrens shoes and they paint by shoe soul scattered on the floor. This was a path for all to follow.

    Submitted on 2008-10-13 23:04:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Life -- so painful and complex, the children have it down though. If we could all be children forever. Once you grow up -- it's just one ordeal after another. That's the message I got from it. If it was or was not, is besides the point. Your use of imagery was excellent. Your use of images in this awesome -- they transport the reader into some alternate dimension -- the reader sees exactly what you are talking about. It's how you put words together and how you create your sentences and paragraphs and combine your ideas and stuff. Very excellent and original. Rock on Jazmine!
    | Posted on 2008-12-25 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Brilliant use of words and imagery Lori, great flow; really an excellent piece of work... loved it !
    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    To written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]