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    dots Submission Name: Persistance Of Timedots

    Author: metallichick786
    ASL Info:    26/f/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.79 - 78/85/51
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 986


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPersistance Of Timedots

    Time has often taken me to many different places.
    Seeing, smelling, tasting the various new
    Bringing me adjacent to what seemed so out of range.
    Reality has shown me the only constant in life is change.
    I touched on the chapters never reading between the lines.
    Which all the while were screaming I'm almost out of time.
    I hastily moved forward trying to ignore the signs.
    Bleeding blindingly within those broken lines.

    Periods and comas hold no truth in here.
    Time is not stopping and for that I must fear.
    That morning I awoke within a mist filled air.
    My hands searching, longing, to feel the smooth of your hair.
    Startled by the emptiness with you longer there.
    The pain that fell upon me was more than I could bare.
    It was at that moment I knew that heartache was real
    Time was frozen in my heart there after to never again feel.

    Submitted on 2008-10-14 03:30:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      "Time is not stopping and for that I must fear.
    That morning I awoke within a mist filled air.
    My hands searching, longing, to feel the smooth of your hair.
    Startled by the emptiness with you longer there.
    The pain that fell upon me was more than I could bare."

    These were my favorite lines.
    I enjoyed the pain they evoked in the reader.
    It is a universal topic- love and time. Which makes it all the easier to relate to and all the more desired to read.

    And I read an entry in your journal; it is good that you learned how valuable every journey is, whether the destination is reached or not.

    | Posted on 2009-01-11 00:00:00 | by EpsilonpsiiChi | [ Reply to This ]
      bear* not bare but otherwise luvy hit the nail on the head, really raw emotions with a consistent rhyme scheme that flowed nicely for me.

    and i love the use of time, because really it's killing all of us and you described the futility of that battle i think most of us fight.

    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow i really liked this. You expressed your emotions very well. I could feel your pain pouring out through the lines of this poem. It's hard to face the fact that the one you love and thought loved you just as much could just leave you and you managed to express that clearly. Great job. There was one mistake though u forgot the word no in one of your lines it starts out with Startled by the emptiness.

    | Posted on 2008-10-14 00:00:00 | by luvy | [ Reply to This ]

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