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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: like taffetadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 925
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 945



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslike taffetadots
    -------------------------------------------




    what if? a poem
    is a fractured stiletto,
    flung off
    from the nearest balcony
    onto tarred pedestrians below.
    they look skyward, search
    for a disgruntled woman,
    find prayers
    unreturned.
    this day is
    tarnished silver
    tinged with blue.

    and what if? poems
    are sleepy infants
    in soapy water,
    the bath tuned
    to lukewarm,
    chamomile candles
    offering benevolence
    to all.

    i
    gave eve
    over to starlight,
    and dreamt
    i was
    one of
    anais nin's
    fingers
    clutching
    a pencil,
    a sketch unfinished,
    waiting for more.

    what if? amongst
    skylights, teacups
    and saucers,
    i write a poem
    for you.




    Submitted on 2008-10-14 05:10:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The images in this are wonderful:


    what if? a poem
    is a fractured stiletto,
    flung off
    from the nearest balcony
    onto tarred pedestrians below.

    That is a stunning opening and:

    this day is
    tarnished silver
    tinged with blue.

    and what if? poems
    are sleepy infants
    in soapy water,
    the bath tuned
    to lukewarm,
    chamomile candles
    offering benevolence
    to all.

    All these different images suggest something emotive: anger, nurturing, the tarred pedestrians as feelings. And then you implicate us in the end:

    what if? amongst
    skylights, teacups
    and saucers,
    i write a poem
    for you.

    That's great, especially in the way that you mention of 'gave eve over to starlight' suggests sin and were implicated in that as well happy that we can be the centre of a poem.
    If I were to criticise anything it would be that there is an opacity to this poem. I know this is intended but could you give us a little more of an insight? Do you want to?

    An awe-inspiring write anyhow, I loved it.
    | Posted on 2009-02-14 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      .... you are slowly breaking my heart...................................................
    | Posted on 2008-10-15 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]


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    166849

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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