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    dots Submission Name: Into The Bluedots

    Author: LRRolins
    ASL Info:    17/A/A world you dont own
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 142/140/84
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 809
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 530

       Another poem written in objective correalitive (sp??). It was actually an assignment in OC on a worksheet about "The Red Wheelbarrow" and "The Great Figure". The assignment was asking for us to write a descripition about one of the following emotions: anger,sadness,or fear.

    I would guess that this poem is a mixture of sadness and fear,but it was originally intended for the emotion of sadness, hence the colours blue,grey,and purple which are commonly used to describe feelings of depression.

    I would like to say that this poem is about my reocuring depression and denmentia bouts.

    All in all,I am also impressed by it also.I think it will strike a cord for few.

    I have to say that I have found my style. =]


    P.S.:I would like to try a different title.This title seems a little cliché to me,but I'll openly admit that it was inspired by Chevelle's song "Into the Red" (AWESOME SONG,AWESOME BAND).Help,please??

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInto The Bluedots

    Blue, Grey, Purple:
    they flood my mind, my feild of vision.
    And I call them out all by name
    and shake each of their hands,
    each bony skeleton.
    Grasciously, I welcome them into my home wihtout a single complaint,
    but they never return my kindness,my hospitality.
    Instead,they claw at my senses
    and flame my worry
    and my lonliness.
    In the end,I have my company
    and their colours swirl me into the river where I never know
    if I'll sink or swim.

    Submitted on 2008-10-14 21:34:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you tied the ending up to the whole water and sinking or swimming point with the name of your poem. however you gotta admit that the flow of your poem makes a dramatic change with this:

    Grasciously, I welcome them into my home without a single complaint,

    why not try a smaller statement here? I'm usually not big on offering advice so please spare me and my idea lol.

    after that above statement poem gos back to the beginning rhythm.

    hell I dunno what else to say there. so I wont talk before I talk myself into a hole lol

    keep writing
    | Posted on 2009-02-03 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me kinda of some of my stuff, especially the mention of the water at the end.

    This is a very nice dark poem. Dark poetry is my favorite kind to read because it is always so emotional and that is the kind of poetry I write and I just think that it conveys thoughts better than most poetry. Anyway, back to the poem.

    The way you showed sadness is very unique. You welcomed it in, showed it hospitality, but it didn't return the favor, as it never does. I love how you portrayed it as a guest rather than an unwelcome visitor like most people do. I also like how you compare sadness to colors. Very unique and very nice style of writing. Like I said, it reminds me a lot of my dark poetry. Not to sound arrogant of course haha, because I'm not, but I just like this poem.
    | Posted on 2008-11-01 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]
      Into The Blur? Interesting idea, personifying the colors. Only problem I have with the idea is that in the second to last line you say "their colours" which takes away from them being them for me.
    I guess what I mean is is that they are the colors, no? A few spelling mistakes as well:
    field, graciously, without. Thanks for sharing. I've been there.

    | Posted on 2008-10-15 00:00:00 | by grey | [ Reply to This ]

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