10-14 by jaycee

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Submission Name: 10-14 dots

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Author:	jaycee
ASL Info:	38/F/ Texas
Elite Ratio:	4.85 - 2410/1167/153
Words:	62

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	154
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	396

Description:

10-14

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I awake to the sounds of my thoughts screaming
My dreams streaming black and white virulence
You are blinded by nescience;
I by vexation that the learned are unlearned!

You claim no ruth nor misdeed
Yet you turn away from the truth--
You fail to look beyond the righteous-colored glasses
Deny the facts, but all men are not created equal.

Submitted on 2008-10-15 05:37:35 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hi there Janet and thanks for your comments on Four Dimensional Elements and Ugly Girl... occasional I use a Thesaurus .... and spell check all the time.. my spelling is auful... considering your suggestions... (F.D.E)..I did consider liberating... but the point of this word is to tie in with Solidity, Between, Catching and then Liberty, without rhyme, as I wanted them to stand as statements, though the use of Liberating has been suggested to me before.... and Release just does not have the same connotation as Liberty ... as release is "from", where as Liberty is "have"...

Ugly Girl... I left the line "you never needed it anyway" separate in the hope to infer a statement of fact....

Thank you again Jan, your comments have been helpful.

10-14... in such a short poem there is a whole volume of statement and testament, cleverly written I thought, but the title... hhhhmmmm

| Posted on 2008-11-19 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]
  Equal in the eyes of the law, though equality is more attainable for some than it is for others.

I think "you" had better beware.

For some reason, my sense of this is frustration over teaching techniques. It seems as though a higher authority and yourself are not seeing eye-to-eye, as though some obvious fact is being overlooked, or rather, ignored. I guees it's the "vexation that the learned are unlearned" that throws this into the arena of education.

I can't see anywhere to suggest improvement. Your final line is very powerful. Perhaps the conflict could be played out more?

Phil
| Posted on 2008-11-19 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  Excellent write! The learned are often blinded by arrogance, and forget that man's genius incorporates all the senses!
| Posted on 2008-10-30 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  I believe that I understand what you're saying in this piece. You're frustrated at some entity for the blindness that is brought about by their knowing and awareness. Then in that blindness they turn their backs on the truth that you so clearly percieve.

This immediately reminded me of the 5 blindmen who were introduced to an elephant and each found a different part of the animal and were convinced of the truth that they've found and could not be convinced by the others of the other parts of the whole. One said, upon finding a tusk, the elephant is like a spear. Another, as he came to the trunk, exclaimed that an elephant is like a snake. Yet another blind man said, as he found a leg, that an elephant is like the trunk of a tree. The fourth felt the great side of the elephant and proclaimed that the elephant was like unto a great wall. And lastly, one came to the tail and declared to all that the elephant was as a rope.

Which part of the elephant are you at? and which is the other? I guess that I just don't see ballance in this piece. It seems to be fire, no discovery of wonder or a better way, just fire.

I do apreciate the intensity but it feels like it is indeed lacking ballance. There is no resolution.
| Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]

| Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very powerful piece and I loved your vocab - I have to look a few words up

I've had a few rough days of depression but I'm at the peak looking over the valleys of possibility and the sun is arising!

Times of darkness, as you illustrate, are part of our experience - they are what we create of them.

love,peace,joy,abundance & smiles to share
tif ~*~
| Posted on 2008-10-15 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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