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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Derelictdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lovedeathsdeath
    ASL Info:    20/M/NCUSA
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 39/43/33
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 121
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1088



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDerelictdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once again I am cast out.
    The outer reaches of
    memory is where I'll live
    If I even exist at all.

    I wish I could know
    where I exist: belong.

    Dead are the days
    when I would walk
    without the sound
    of this bell on my neck.

    I wish I could know
    if I exist: belong.

    "You belonged once
    but exist no more
    you do, says I"
    And who are you?

    Where do you exist?
    Where do you belong?
    Is it not here
    on the Earth as I?

    We are both human
    both bleed blood
    both cry tears
    both die slowly
    every day we live.

    If only you could
    see what you once saw.
    Open eyes distorted
    by perception viruses.

    I wish you could see
    that I exist: belong.

    The scars you carry
    will heal one day.
    That day, I'm afraid
    will be too late.

    Then you will know
    that we exist: belong.




    Submitted on 2008-10-16 04:35:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This has an incredible lonliness hanging about it that tugged at my heart and made me want to cry.. This is beautifully written and I especially loved the first and third stanzas..

    "Once again I am cast out.
    The outer reaches of
    memory is where i'll live
    if I even exist at all."

    The only thing I would add to this stanza is a comma at the end of the third line as it seems to be begging for one to show the pause that should be there..

    "Dead are the days
    when I would walk
    without the sound
    of this bell on my neck."

    I love the rough rhyme of this stanza as it almost feels like a loose rhyme between the second and fourth lines, yet even though it is loose it works perfectly..
    Cheers and wonderful write..

    Tiffany aka Maskannai
    | Posted on 2008-10-17 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. I know the feeling of not belonging, not feeling like you exist, or rather, not knowing where you exist. It's an out of body experience, but not in a good way. This poem seems to be talking about someone else, so I'm wondering of these feelings were provoked the same way mine were: because of a broken heart and a punished mind. Anyway this is a very good poem and the short lines make it even better. The poem rolls off the tongue very well, and I really like it.
    | Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]



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