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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Came Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Strawberryjynx
    ASL Info:    22, f, my room
    Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 7/7/7
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 580
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 763



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCame Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Creeping from a distant slumber,

    darkness fading into wonder my

    thoughts begin to burn and weave

    forcing memory to take it's leave

    falling quickly falling fast,

    realization makes me gasp

    pain explodes like ringing light

    yes i did survive this night

    eyes forced open to look around

    my body was crushed into the ground

    white shines back and hurts my sight

    my broken form brings some surprise

    leaping from the edge i sought

    to end my life but what i got

    was a second chance to begin again

    life is forced to be my friend





    Submitted on 2008-10-16 21:28:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The flow was great until about half way through and then you lost me...I actually had to stop and re read to figure out where the flow went...

    I lost it at "suprise".

    I agree that I love the thought of life being forced on you..but the flow really upset it....

    ~~~~ShArky~~~~
    SharkysWorld.com
    | Posted on 2008-10-20 00:00:00 | by Sharky | [ Reply to This ]
      "life is forced to be my friend"
    My favorite line in the poem. The image of life itself being forced rather than the person who is living. I could almost see a first person view of you attempting to jump to your death.
    | Posted on 2008-10-18 00:00:00 | by Sparkster | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you got a second chance. I don't want to think of what would have happened if you didn't.

    I just got you back....It won't be so easy for you to get away, this time around.
    | Posted on 2008-10-17 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha. I like the contrast of this piece. Don't know if it was intentional but the thoughts expressed are really dark yet the rhyme scheme seems so happy. :) And yeah, I've been there, it's not worth it...
    | Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


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