Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Came Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Strawberryjynx
    ASL Info:    22, f, my room
    Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 7/7/7
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 571
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 763



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCame Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Creeping from a distant slumber,

    darkness fading into wonder my

    thoughts begin to burn and weave

    forcing memory to take it's leave

    falling quickly falling fast,

    realization makes me gasp

    pain explodes like ringing light

    yes i did survive this night

    eyes forced open to look around

    my body was crushed into the ground

    white shines back and hurts my sight

    my broken form brings some surprise

    leaping from the edge i sought

    to end my life but what i got

    was a second chance to begin again

    life is forced to be my friend





    Submitted on 2008-10-16 21:28:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The flow was great until about half way through and then you lost me...I actually had to stop and re read to figure out where the flow went...

    I lost it at "suprise".

    I agree that I love the thought of life being forced on you..but the flow really upset it....

    ~~~~ShArky~~~~
    SharkysWorld.com
    | Posted on 2008-10-20 00:00:00 | by Sharky | [ Reply to This ]
      "life is forced to be my friend"
    My favorite line in the poem. The image of life itself being forced rather than the person who is living. I could almost see a first person view of you attempting to jump to your death.
    | Posted on 2008-10-18 00:00:00 | by Sparkster | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you got a second chance. I don't want to think of what would have happened if you didn't.

    I just got you back....It won't be so easy for you to get away, this time around.
    | Posted on 2008-10-17 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha. I like the contrast of this piece. Don't know if it was intentional but the thoughts expressed are really dark yet the rhyme scheme seems so happy. :) And yeah, I've been there, it's not worth it...
    | Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    166951

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry