[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Came Backdots

    Author: Strawberryjynx
    ASL Info:    22, f, my room
    Elite Ratio:    2.4 - 7/7/7
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 763


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCame Backdots

    Creeping from a distant slumber,

    darkness fading into wonder my

    thoughts begin to burn and weave

    forcing memory to take it's leave

    falling quickly falling fast,

    realization makes me gasp

    pain explodes like ringing light

    yes i did survive this night

    eyes forced open to look around

    my body was crushed into the ground

    white shines back and hurts my sight

    my broken form brings some surprise

    leaping from the edge i sought

    to end my life but what i got

    was a second chance to begin again

    life is forced to be my friend

    Submitted on 2008-10-16 21:28:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The flow was great until about half way through and then you lost me...I actually had to stop and re read to figure out where the flow went...

    I lost it at "suprise".

    I agree that I love the thought of life being forced on you..but the flow really upset it....

    | Posted on 2008-10-20 00:00:00 | by Sharky | [ Reply to This ]
      "life is forced to be my friend"
    My favorite line in the poem. The image of life itself being forced rather than the person who is living. I could almost see a first person view of you attempting to jump to your death.
    | Posted on 2008-10-18 00:00:00 | by Sparkster | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm glad you got a second chance. I don't want to think of what would have happened if you didn't.

    I just got you back....It won't be so easy for you to get away, this time around.
    | Posted on 2008-10-17 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      Haha. I like the contrast of this piece. Don't know if it was intentional but the thoughts expressed are really dark yet the rhyme scheme seems so happy. :) And yeah, I've been there, it's not worth it...
    | Posted on 2008-10-16 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Linger written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Push written by JanePlane
    To written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]