[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: austin
    ASL Info:    22/ Male/ Odessa, Texas
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 376/396/84
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 1127
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1081

       just a fucking ramble

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    forage through the midst, of awakened haze,
    clouding everything you've known
    tie the wicked ends, then start over
    reap what exactly you have sewn
    hands all cut to shit, in the end you sit
    tired, weak and alone

    by all means available
    thrust onto yourself, lift the weightless
    and forget everything else
    now theres only you and me
    we are the fearless, what do we cut?
    what do we know?

    all that ends in black, ties are all estranged
    in the end we lack, the defense or the attack
    we are the only ones, suffocating
    under the weight of our demise
    take me home

    all the roads have failed, entitled to the lost
    situations are all sad
    for all eternity, the dream can never be...
    we've lost all of what we've had
    ripped it from the core, all what we adore
    engulfed in the mixed and corrupt
    change is a roulette, nothings ever set
    what we're all here for...

    Submitted on 2008-10-17 22:17:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      So, I wrote a comment for this like a week ago. But, because you hadn't signed on in for over five days it wouldn't let me leave it for you! And so this comment probably sucks compared to the other one that I had but I didn't save that one. (I comment on a notepad while I'm reading the piece, then copy and paste the comment... but that's besides the point... haha)
    Anyway, I like the despair in the first stanza. "then start over/reap what exactly you have sewn" That is a good play on the phrase. I like that because then the next line refers to the cut hands – in my opinion that is symbolic of starting over with nothing but the scars of your past – some wounds still fresh. The second stanza opens up with "lift the weightless and forget everything else". I sense helping another in a time when you can barely help yourself. The "we are the fearless, what do we cut?" makes me think that as well. Even that last line in the stanza reflects the trepidation of the speaker. Nice. The third stanza solidifies all that is heartbreaking in the world - "all that ends in black, ties are all estranged". Because that happens every day. Many not for any particular reason, but it does. But the lines "in the end we lack" makes me believe the speaker feels the burden of those losses and feels unworthy. I believe the forth stanza can also tie in with that. "situations are all sad for all eternity" - One rarely forgets a heartbreaking situation do they? The last two lines "change is a roulette, nothings ever set/what we're all here for..." makes me believe the speaker is not afraid of change, but accepting of it... because it is "what we're all here for" We are ever changing - for the good and bad.
    That’s just my take on it though. And I like it. :)
    | Posted on 2009-02-27 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]