Description: new, odd, enjoyable. says alot without saying much
Though I -------------------------------------------
Though the town burns behind me
i sing of the one i love
Though blood stains my hands
in them i hold my heart
Though my face is scarred
i still smile for her
Though my skin is blackened
i glow in her presence
Though the world trembles at my feet
she stands beside me
Though i have darkened this world
she holds a light
Though i am ablaze
she brings forth the rain
Though my life is forever night
she brings my dawn
Though I am hell incarnate
she alone is my heaven
I really liked the first 4 lines than it turned into something slightly different.
Personally I find poems that are all "Look how much I love you" not very enjoyable.
Perhaps it's because I'll never find that.
But I think that this part holds a tremendous amount of potential:
"Though the town burns behind me
i sing of the one i love
Though blood stains my hands
in them i hold my heart"
I like it.
Very Deep and Very well worded Love Poem
One can easily feel the undying Love you have for this person with every word
This is written very well and to be Honest I see no flaws in the rhythm of this poem
Its pure art straight from the Heart
The kind of Poetry I Truly Love
Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
God Bless
Ron
I like the idea behind this poem. It really spoke to me though it could be because i'm going through pretty much a bad time right now and this just made me hope happy ending can come true. i dont know why b/c this didn't have a happy ring to it but thatswhat i got out of it. good work. Joanna
I agree,it needs to be re-worked,its a good concept you have here,but it should be more original
see things like: hell incarnate blackened forever night etc
I know this sounds like the most pretentious thing to say but you really have to earn those words if you dont want your poem to sound like a metal song,I dont think you pulled it off but there is a lot of potential in this piece
once again good concept,just maybe a little more work needed
This is a good starting point. You have laid a foundation here; you need to build something grand upon it.
As is this is not bad, but I wouldn't say it was great either. I am not sure if I would try to re-work the piece (we I probably wouldn't cause once my work is done it is done) or if I would start anew with the same thoughts and feelings in mind.
Sorry if it feels like I am taking a dump in your fruity pebbles, but keep in mind I don't bother commenting on pieces that stink so bad they should not be read near an open flame. I only comment if I like something, or if it holds potential.
Submission Name: Though I
