Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Exploding Windmillsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 355
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1214



    Description:
       A poem about parents stopping thier children from playing


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExploding Windmillsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Exploding Windmills

    So fragile in its equestrian gait
    The tippy toe of stealth
    Loves to tread so softly
    Behind
    In tennis shoes
    With velvet claws

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact

    These prison smiles
    With tiles of teeth
    Deride the childish fantasy
    Bludgeon at unilluminated reality
    Just to dangle their mechanical
    Bag of tricks

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact

    Stuff of nonsense
    Imagery of bright eyes
    Of painted books
    And scribbled brush strokes
    Pillow fairy tales
    And windmills

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact

    Sweet girly dresses
    And boyish supermen
    Plastic sunglasses broken
    In the enthusiasm
    Of slapping back in
    To

    The bright day too hot
    To consider enchanting
    Too fastidiously busy
    To stop marketing
    Disconsolate in its attitude
    To pay attention to a giggle

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact














    Submitted on 2008-10-22 17:44:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It intrigues and grips for it's lines but it is entirely too hectic. I had a period of using a similar style myself but it's not something I would call fertile unless you are trying to evolve your sense of expressionism. Your images are very strong. It's intense and shows that you have a lot of talent in fragments that need to be put together like pieces of a puzzle. Some of the motifs seemed unfit somehow (tennis shoes for example) since most of the poem gives off the impression of being a fantasy piece.

    The repeating line:

    "Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact"

    ...is great, except I can't quite grasp what the second line means in the connection to the first. Either your abstractions are too complex or your metaphors inadequate but the interpretation of this poem is a mission impossible and, if existing, only decipherable by you alone.

    | Posted on 2008-10-23 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      In a sublime way - dramatic... yet with a cold objectivity... the word 'mechanical' might be a key-word.

    I could imagine this to be one of the mottos to the postindustrial society.
    | Posted on 2008-10-22 00:00:00 | by -Lith-Ium- | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167161

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Records I written by Raphael
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Cover written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry