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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Exploding Windmillsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 352
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1214



    Description:
       A poem about parents stopping thier children from playing


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExploding Windmillsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Exploding Windmills

    So fragile in its equestrian gait
    The tippy toe of stealth
    Loves to tread so softly
    Behind
    In tennis shoes
    With velvet claws

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact

    These prison smiles
    With tiles of teeth
    Deride the childish fantasy
    Bludgeon at unilluminated reality
    Just to dangle their mechanical
    Bag of tricks

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact

    Stuff of nonsense
    Imagery of bright eyes
    Of painted books
    And scribbled brush strokes
    Pillow fairy tales
    And windmills

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact

    Sweet girly dresses
    And boyish supermen
    Plastic sunglasses broken
    In the enthusiasm
    Of slapping back in
    To

    The bright day too hot
    To consider enchanting
    Too fastidiously busy
    To stop marketing
    Disconsolate in its attitude
    To pay attention to a giggle

    Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact














    Submitted on 2008-10-22 17:44:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It intrigues and grips for it's lines but it is entirely too hectic. I had a period of using a similar style myself but it's not something I would call fertile unless you are trying to evolve your sense of expressionism. Your images are very strong. It's intense and shows that you have a lot of talent in fragments that need to be put together like pieces of a puzzle. Some of the motifs seemed unfit somehow (tennis shoes for example) since most of the poem gives off the impression of being a fantasy piece.

    The repeating line:

    "Dreamers are destroyed
    By fact"

    ...is great, except I can't quite grasp what the second line means in the connection to the first. Either your abstractions are too complex or your metaphors inadequate but the interpretation of this poem is a mission impossible and, if existing, only decipherable by you alone.

    | Posted on 2008-10-23 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      In a sublime way - dramatic... yet with a cold objectivity... the word 'mechanical' might be a key-word.

    I could imagine this to be one of the mottos to the postindustrial society.
    | Posted on 2008-10-22 00:00:00 | by -Lith-Ium- | [ Reply to This ]


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