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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Only Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: grimmreaper
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 122/43/23
    Words: 336
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2333



    Description:
       In one of the lines I say "Maybe its a faze, maybe i will get over it" than in the end,I say that I willl never stop having this feeling, and i know that conterdicts itself, i just have to come up with somthing else, but for now, it will have to do. I know that its cheesy, and probably a bit dumb, but when I sat down to write today, this is what came out, so I cant complain a whole lot. no its not about my own feelings of somone I like, right now Idon't like anybody. Its mainly a peice to a story that I am writing rite now. Feel free to comment on anything you want. You can say it sucked, or whatever. I know that I dont have any comma on words like "Its" and thats because when I did, the words got all messed up and funky so I had to go back and take away the commas, sorry.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOnly Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Every time
    That I look at you,
    I cant breathe.

    I dont know
    if its because
    the room has no air
    Or
    If its because,
    You take my breath away.

    Either one
    Sounds cheesy
    And either one
    Will do.

    All I want
    Is to be able
    To breath
    Without gasping
    For breath.

    But each time
    That I try

    You are their
    To take away
    Whatever I have inside.

    All you have to do
    Is look at me
    With those dusty blue eyes.

    Even your smile
    Makes me feel dizzy
    Inside.

    Maybe its just a faze
    Maybe I
    Will get over it.

    Maybe I didnt eat enough
    This morning,
    And thats why
    My head is spinning in fast
    Circles
    while being around you

    Either way,
    I cant think.
    I cant see
    And I cant feel.
    I am so numb
    Around you.

    Its like
    You have this power,
    Whenever you come around,
    To take away my thoughts
    My life
    My soul.
    Its like you have frozen me in time.

    I try to move
    But cant
    Because I am trapped
    In your gaze
    And touch.

    My bones
    Feel like rubber
    And my knees
    Will not stop shaking.
    Each time
    You walk right by me.

    When I try to speak
    I cannot
    Because each time I try
    My words
    Are taken away
    By your presents
    And I am lost
    In translation.

    I am trapped
    In this cage of confusion
    Lost
    In my own stolen thoughts
    And stuck
    In the feeling
    Or your embrace.

    Only you
    Have the ability
    To place me
    In this lost dimension
    And only you
    Have the power
    to make me feel,
    This feeling
    Of love

    Or Maybe I
    Am just going crazy
    Or maybe
    I
    Am dreaming

    But either way,
    This feeling,
    I have
    only For you
    Will never fade away

    From my beating heart






    Submitted on 2008-10-24 18:02:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The only negitive is that it is a bit long. But the reader be damned on a piece like this. This is for you, so it doen't matter what anyone else says.

    Over all a good piece.
    | Posted on 2008-11-07 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      There's nothing wrong with leaving out comma in a piece such as this. The whole thing about deep feelings is that thoughts become as one long sentence that punctation can not change.
    I like the way you explore whether it is love or just an infatuation. I think everyone in love can relate to this since feelings of love seems like the person has jumped into one's self. Then I like the way you say forever in the last line. I think if every husand and wife would take this poem and read it to each other everyday there wouldn't be so much divorce. Divorce is only the outcome of a husband and wife not saying often enough the thoughts you express in this piece.
    | Posted on 2008-10-29 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]


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