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    dots Submission Name: A Dance In Paradisedots

    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 768
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 961


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    dotsA Dance In Paradisedots

    A Dance In Paradise

    As soft light night summer sings a sanctuary of stars to girdle the moon
    the wine of your smile is full of elixir
    sung on darkness tunes

    I will stand then amidst silent sentinels of stone
    camouflaged by Cerrunos in his green delicate Earth
    basking in memories of your beauty and your love

    Inside these cool air let spaces hovering mid bough of ambient and hill
    I will breath the fervor of my kisses holding the soft close haven of you

    As stars and moon vie in friendship for brightness
    their flower of creation adds only to the lightness
    of the soothing in my soul

    Sweet child of riddles
    Unsheathed Wicca woman of dusk
    the night only announces this richness you have created
    here in my enamored heart

    Being with you is the closest I will come to a dance in paradise

    Submitted on 2008-10-24 18:17:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This distinctly sets the ambient mood of natural surroundings fulfilled with sounds and colors derived from the natures way of breathing in life into an otherwise empty space called Earth. It reminds me of something Enya or Loreena McKennitt might perform. The elements count in this poem. The combination of each and every individual description of a nature's vision makes it dreamlike and surreal. The form is irregular simply because, I presume, you wrote your lines too long and the submission form shrunk them so a few lines were divided automatically in two lines. It happened to me a few times but I can find the connection. I liked these:

    "As soft light night summer sings a sanctuary of stars to girdle the moon"

    -> here I particularly found interesting the combination of light and night in direct proximity to each other creating an oxymoron.

    "hovering mid bough of ambient and hill"

    "their flower of creation adds only to the lightness
    of the soothing in my soul"

    -> I suppose it stands for that the beauty of their being simply caresses ones soul and eases whatever troubles it may harbor.

    "Unsheathed Wicca woman of dusk"

    -> I liked this one because of it's mystic motif and the fact that it sounds good.

    And the ending line:
    "Being with you is the closest I will come to a dance in paradise"

    -> is an excellent ending.

    I was left wondering: who is or what is Cerrunos? Mythological figure perhaps?
    | Posted on 2008-10-25 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]

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