[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Ominous lightdots

    Author: girly101
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 292/310/149
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 686
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 864


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOminous lightdots

    The sky a deep navy blue,
    I stand out here and think.
    Think only of you.

    Dark clouds are littered across the sky,
    but so slow they move,
    I relize not that time pass by.

    Stars shine not so bright,
    the only thing giving sight to my eyes,
    save the moon and its ominous light.

    My eyes linger on no particular mark,
    watching shadows fall from trees,
    I stare of into the dark.

    Sudden light breaks the sky,
    and dawn strikes back the night.
    Soon to the world I must lie.

    So I hide up in my mind,
    behind this facade,
    im deep inside,

    My head,
    wishing for eternal sleep.
    The sleep of the dead.

    Calm and content,
    the pain at its end,
    happiness was never ment.

    Submitted on 2008-10-25 14:28:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i liked it! it sounded original and this part creates a nice picture:
    Sudden light breaks the sky,
    and dawn strikes back the night.
    Soon to the world I must lie.
    the last stanza confuses me. how can the pain be at its end if happiness was never ment. idk. maybe im not thinking hard enough. some spelling mistakes. but overall, wonderfully written!
    | Posted on 2008-10-30 00:00:00 | by tricklingrain | [ Reply to This ]
      nice writing , I loved it but

    " Stars shine not so bright,
    the only thing giving sight to ((mine)) eyes,
    save the moon and its ominous light. "

    did you mean (( My )) ???

    anyways , I liked it and loved it

    hope to read more , continue the previous one to this poem , am kinda waiting for that
    | Posted on 2008-10-25 00:00:00 | by Squall Leon Hea | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Outlaw
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]