Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Matter of Consequencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 340/348/146
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 833
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1515



    Description:
       Gotta keep on writing.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Matter of Consequencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I realized,
    I smoke too much

    I have math homework tomorrow
    I realized,
    I don't smoke enough..

    I spent the day with some friends
    each one of them complained I smelled
    I realized,
    I smoke too much.

    I went outside and met three people
    each one of them more complex
    all of them lighting up
    I realized,
    I don't smoke enough.

    I went to the bank today,
    each trip my numbers dwindle
    all the time, I'm getting poorer,
    soon I'll be broke
    I realized,
    I smoke too much.

    I started to shake
    each convulsion more potent than the last
    all of them wracking,
    soon, I'll shake myself to pieces,
    nothing left but my torso.
    I realized,
    I don't smoke enough.

    I have a poster on my wall
    each line describes a different symptom
    all of them unnerving
    soon, I'll start developing them
    nothing left of my lungs
    everything going numb
    I realized,
    I smoke too much.

    I went to the doctor today
    each word he said hit me like a brick,
    all of them meant devestation
    soon, he said, I will be dead.
    nothing can cure it
    everything seems moot now.
    my brain is shutting down.
    I realized,
    it doesn't matter.

    I'm going to the gym tomorrow.




    Submitted on 2008-10-27 09:47:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This I don't know how I really feel about. I like the idea, to work isn't bad, but I don't know. I do like that you seem to have your own style. This is if nothing, is like nothing I have read on this site before. Over all on a scale of 1 to 10 I think this is hitting somewhere around 6.5 to 7.2 you definitely have something here.
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting

    This piece really does personify that inner struggle people deal with on a level that reaches out to everyone. I believe it's a little uncoordinated only because the beginning stanza's take on a roll that says you believe a certain thing but ends with more of an existentialist point of view. Over all though it was worth reading and I am curious about what some of your other pieces might be.


    -Poppi
    | Posted on 2008-10-27 00:00:00 | by poppi | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167292

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry