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    dots Submission Name: A Matter of Consequencedots

    Author: Imadjinn
    ASL Info:    17/M/Neverwhere
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 340/348/146
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 874
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1515

       Gotta keep on writing.

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    dotsA Matter of Consequencedots

    I realized,
    I smoke too much

    I have math homework tomorrow
    I realized,
    I don't smoke enough..

    I spent the day with some friends
    each one of them complained I smelled
    I realized,
    I smoke too much.

    I went outside and met three people
    each one of them more complex
    all of them lighting up
    I realized,
    I don't smoke enough.

    I went to the bank today,
    each trip my numbers dwindle
    all the time, I'm getting poorer,
    soon I'll be broke
    I realized,
    I smoke too much.

    I started to shake
    each convulsion more potent than the last
    all of them wracking,
    soon, I'll shake myself to pieces,
    nothing left but my torso.
    I realized,
    I don't smoke enough.

    I have a poster on my wall
    each line describes a different symptom
    all of them unnerving
    soon, I'll start developing them
    nothing left of my lungs
    everything going numb
    I realized,
    I smoke too much.

    I went to the doctor today
    each word he said hit me like a brick,
    all of them meant devestation
    soon, he said, I will be dead.
    nothing can cure it
    everything seems moot now.
    my brain is shutting down.
    I realized,
    it doesn't matter.

    I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

    Submitted on 2008-10-27 09:47:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This I don't know how I really feel about. I like the idea, to work isn't bad, but I don't know. I do like that you seem to have your own style. This is if nothing, is like nothing I have read on this site before. Over all on a scale of 1 to 10 I think this is hitting somewhere around 6.5 to 7.2 you definitely have something here.
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by nicodemous | [ Reply to This ]

    This piece really does personify that inner struggle people deal with on a level that reaches out to everyone. I believe it's a little uncoordinated only because the beginning stanza's take on a roll that says you believe a certain thing but ends with more of an existentialist point of view. Over all though it was worth reading and I am curious about what some of your other pieces might be.

    | Posted on 2008-10-27 00:00:00 | by poppi | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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