Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Traindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: proudleaper
    ASL Info:    14 F Ontario, Canada
    Elite Ratio:    2.03 - 4/18/11
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Longing
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1304



    Description:
       This isn't done yet.
    thought i'd submit anyway
    i hate feeling this way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTraindots
    -------------------------------------------


    It’s not so cold
    when there’s other things to ponder.
    Despite the wind that provoked my bare legs
    I was warm with oblivion.

    It wasn’t peace or calamity that kept me still.
    Nor was it that I was content or accepting
    hushed, lulled and glazed
    I was fitting in.

    You’d think , with all the silence
    clarity would come easily.
    Instead I conjure jumbled confusion;
    a fight for some concentration and attention

    captivated and immediately aware,
    my focus turns to a single sound;
    a haunting howl determined to shatter the night
    into sharp shards of broken reflection

    A sad moan
    that mournful cry
    resounding from everywhere
    and coming from no where.

    When did it get so cold?
    goose bumped legs jolt into motion
    while lucidity resolves
    to make an unexpected appearance.

    Pull me.
    Take me
    Guide me
    Break me

    Split me apart
    take the superior parts
    and leave the fucked up bits
    for someone else to trash

    let me follow in your wake
    carry me on your hollow wail
    and show me why
    it sounds so sweet




    Submitted on 2008-10-28 01:30:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      whoa. talk about gripping poetry. and you said this wasn't even finished? absolutely stunning, if you don't mind me saying. everything was nice and light with the "its not so cold" and then BAM! everything got dark and creepy and with the howl. but you really made me want to follow the howl and see whats up. its like, "yeah, this is creepy, but it could be worth it" well done indeed. i think the title is perfect and look forward to seeing this poem "finished."

    i tip my hat and bid thee farewell.
    | Posted on 2008-10-30 00:00:00 | by PoeticNonsense | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    167321

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Dream written by closetpoet
    prison written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Shi written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by ShyOne
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry