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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nothing Theredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nicodemous
    ASL Info:    7-5-82/M/Hell
    Elite Ratio:    5.58 - 283/221/121
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 639
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 344



    Description:
       This is a real version of the Fobnnic sequence that I screwed up on before.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNothing Theredots
    -------------------------------------------


    You
    I
    Us two
    Together
    Hand in hand always
    Between us there are shared glances
    And empty smiles that are promises of nothing

    Or is there really anything at all between us
    Or do I see what is not there
    What isn't to be
    What is not
    Alone
    I
    Me




    Submitted on 2008-10-28 02:22:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      OKAY NOW, LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS STRUCTURE. WAS THIS AN ORIGINAL IDEA OR DID YOU SEE THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE? EITHER WAY IT PUTS THIS POEM ON A DIFFERENT SHELF. THE RISE AND FALL SHAPE OF THE VISUAL AND THE WORDING SUPPORTING IT SO WELL GIVES THIS AUTOMATIC BONUS POINTS. THE WAY IT BEGINS WITH YOU AND ENDS WITH ME IS SO POETIC BY ITSELF. I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE AT LEAST ONE THING OF NON-PREFERENCES BUT THE CLEVERNESS OF THIS POEM MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO FAULT.

    great write
    llcollins
    | Posted on 2008-11-11 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      the structure of the poem remminds me of a graph. it,s like you think you have found your true love , the lines get longer, like the pulse quickening, then you have your doubts, the puls gets slower the lines get shorter.
    well thats how i saw, read it. interesting structure, good poem
    take care
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice usage of pronouns in this poem haha. But seriously this poem is pretty good. The flow was a little awkward because of the format, but I like that you tried something different with the formatting. I like how the first set of lines are really positive and loving, and then the second set of lines throws you into a different scene; a scene of aloness and darkness. This was overall a pretty good poem, even though I'm not a big fan of the structure here, but like I said, you tried something different, and I commend you for it. Good message too by the way.
    | Posted on 2008-10-28 00:00:00 | by FlickerofHope | [ Reply to This ]


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